Send me your questions (200 words or less) and I will share my wisdom (Bullshit) with you. I've had years of experience as a crisis counselor/ motivational speaker. I specialized in abuse and relationship issues. My approach is simple: Address reality as reality...accept emotions as emotions. All my opinions are just that "opinions".
The more you have the more choices you have.

Click here for Self-Help links and info

Viewer Writes:

How much of an age difference (Between an older woman and a younger man) is workable?

Also I am wondering..I had breast cancer tissue removed almost 7 years ago.
I have a small scar above my right nipple.
The last two men I was involved with both said they noticed nothing unusual about my breasts
when I disclosed to them that I was a previous cancer patient.
Should I even bring it up next time I am involved with a man???

In my opinion, my right breast is significantly smaller than my left....but those
last two boyfriends swore they couldn't tell anything. They SWORE!
Do you think they were lying to me?

Boogie Responds:

From Harold to Maude is workable if children are not involved.

I've been with women 20 years older and 18 years younger...love is love...cease the day!!!
Don't be hung up on age...just follow happiness.
Fuck everyone else's insecurities and bullshit morals.

Be with who makes you happy...even if it only lasts a short while...tomorrow doesn't exist.
So, don't be hung up on forever.

We so often wind up shitting on today becuase we're so worried about
the future...that is silly and a waste of a possible good today.

Don't worry about your breasts...telling the cancer surviving story is good
because it shows you've gone through trials
and come out on top...I think that's a positive characteristic.

But, it's not like you have to tell someone on the first date
like you have an STD or, something.

but, don't worry about your breasts...all womens breasts that are
natural are different shapes and sizes...just like a man always
has one ball that hangs lower than the other...mines the lefty...who cares...is the lovin' good???
are you connected to your mate on a physical and mental level????........ that's all that matters.

None of us are perfect so, once again...don't sabotage
a good moment today by putting bullshit in your head.

You only have one life...enjoy each moment with passion.
love4u
Boogie

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Viewer Writes:

I was sexually abused as a child. And I fell into a bad situation with a guy
that brainwashed me when i was 19.
So I've had some pretty fucked up situations concerning sex in my development years.
I have a boyfriend of whom I've been with for 3 years.
I love him very much, but our sex life is kind of suffering.
I have no drive, and when i do feel like it,
it's painful, like i can't allow my body to relax and enjoy it.
I know it's getting frustrating for him, and i don't want him to think that this is his fault.
Is there something wrong with me?
Are there any suggestions you have?

Boogie Responds:

Of coarse...there are LOTS of things you can do.

First thing to realize is that these issues your are having are temporary.
Now then...you are in control of how temporary they are.
But, I think that's the exciting part...YOU ARE IN CONTROL...you can take the power away from your past.
This will need some work...but, totally do-able...:)

Everything in our body thats not physical is mental (which feeds off of and controls the physical)

...and mental is all about programming.
When your mental is affecting your physical...all you have to do is re-program.

That means you have to go to the source and redirect where that pain or, your issues is flowing to.
Right now your issues of your past abuses are flowing to your sexuality...which is very common.

The type of abuse you had, fucks with your ability to trust people...

Great sex and intamacy is ALL about trust.
So, of coarse you are going to have troubles opening up sexually.
Don't worry...you are not a freak or, a bad person for this.

Once you take on those issues...you can take away their power to hurt you or, control your behavior.
Then you can start learning how to trust a little more.

# 1 way I've found...is talking about it.
But, it's important to talk to people that can understand what you've been through.
Opening up to people that don't understand will give you a lot of unhealthy advice that can end up making the issue worse.
This is why group or, private counseling is the best.
Maybe an adult survivors of abuse group or, counselor that specializes in abuse.
Don't go to a Psychiatrist cause 19 outa 20 times, they'll just give you drugs
and turn you into a zombie that won't want sex anyway. (did I mention I'm not a big fan of Psychiatrists...lol)

The more you talk about something in a solution based tone...the more power you take away from it.

Here...I'll give you an example.

" I Boogie...had a dick up my ass when I was 7 (many times)...it devistated my whole youth and most of my teenage years.
..but, I'm free to be happy today...and it has NO power in my life...I am free to love...I'm free to enjoy intamacy with women I'm attracted to.
That is something from my past and I WILL NOT give it power in my today."

Now then...to most...all they hear when I say that is that " I had a dick up my ass when I was 7."

All " I " focus on is the fact that it no longer has power in my life...and I'm free to be happy.
I've spoken those words so many times out loud on the radio, in groups, on stage as a motivational speaker...to you etc etc...that the memory has no power to hurt me anymore.

I have re-directed that pain to give me power.
I OWN MY PAST...it does not own me.
I take great pride in the fact that I have overcome my demons in that issue and because of it, my sex/life/intamacy is actually BETTER.

So now, I have so much power, that I can confidently share some of my power with YOU.

I have the power to tell you in 99.9 % confidence...

You can have the power overcome your past.
You can be happier than you ever thought possible.
You can re-direct the pain into strength.
You can enjoy your sex and feel real trust and intamcy with your lover.
You are in control.
And...it is a great and exciting adventure in your humanity!!

All you have to do...is choose.
Choose to walk foward and through this issue.

If you take people you can who understand what you went through with you...it's not as scary.

If people won't walk with you or, try to get in the way of your journey to happiness...then you leave them behind.

I so believe with all my heart that you can do this.

The first person to talk to about this is your boyfriend.
You don't have to go into details because he may not be stong enough to handle it...but, then again...he may.

You don't need bad advice right now...you need positive advice and encouragement
But, let him know you have issues and you're going to start dealing with it.

If he really loves you...he'll hang in there with you.

This journey may at times be sucky...but, I promise you it's so worth it.
Picture your life...un-affected by your past...picture feeling good.
Keep that picture always in your mind...and get to work!

love4u
Boogie

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Viewer Writes:

I think you have a great site!

I am 18. My relationship with my girlfriend ended with her leaving
me. She said that we could remain friends. This happened over a
month ago. My ex-girlfriend and I have remained friends. She has a
new boyfriend and she seems happy. I am happy for her. We still
see each other as friends and I am still invited to her house. This
question involves her single mother. From dating my ex-girlfriend I
have gotten to know her mom well. She is a very nice woman and very
attractive. The other night I was invited by my ex-girlfriend to a
dinner at her house. She, her new boyfriend, myself, and her mother
were there. Her mom cooked. It was a nice meal and a fun time.
After the dinner my ex-girlfriend and her boyfriend left for their
date. I offered to stay and help clean up. Her mother was happy for
the help. After we got done cleaning up the kitchen from the meal I
asked her if she would like a massage. She said “yes”. I gave her a
good rub down. It seemed to relax her and she seemed to enjoy it
very much. It also gave us a chance to talk more which I enjoyed. I
also enjoyed the feeling of her warm and smooth skin. After it was
over she thanked me with a passionate kiss. I would really like to
have sex with her. Do you think there is a chance given the fact of
the difference in our ages and the fact that I was a boyfriend of
her daughter? How can I let her know of my desire? Perhaps asking
if she would like another massage would give us a chance to talk
about this. How can I make this request to her?
Looking forward to your reply

Boogie Responds:

You're dancing in a dangerous part of the world...but, a very tempting one. lol

Older women ROCK!! make no mistake...they are more confident about what they want
...they are less hung up on drama...most of the time they are way better in bed.

BUT...this is your ex-girlfriends mom.

It sounds like she wants you...that's obvious and I'm sure it's exciting to her to have a young man want her.

BUT...this could cause a major issue with her and her daughter.

I know that sucks...and, believe me,
I understand it's part of what's turning you both on
...the taboo of fucking your ex's mom...hard to resist for sure.

The negatives that might be causing this.

Possible passive agressive revenge against your ex...maybe not...but, maybe.

Possibly the mom wants you because she's competing with her daughter
...some mom's do it...they want to prove to themselves that they can still take a man from another woman
...it's a shitty thing to do...but, it's part of our nature.
( Survival of the fittest, caveman, mating ritual type shit...lol )

The reality is...you are the horny guy...and you want to get laid.
But, if you want to keep the ex as a friend and have any integrity at all
(which I know is almost impossible to have when your penis is erect)
You should "lightly" roll it by your ex...in light conversation...almost in a joke to see how she reacts.

" Hey, you're mom's pretty...are you gonna hook a friend up?? "

Then see how she reacts...and dig a little deeper as you go...but, keep it light.
If she says, she doesn't care...then suggest that you might actually be serious.

Then...wait a day...because I gurentee you...she will talk to her mom about it
within an hour of you having this discussion.

If everybody is cool with it...I would suggest you fuck the paint off the mom's toenails for as
long as she wants you to....like I said...older women ROCK!

If she freaks out and says stuff like "that's disgusting" or, "I'd never forgive you" then you know
she's not mature enough to handle it.

If you still want to have sex with the mom,
you're going to have to lie about it and pray she doesn't find out...but, they usually always do.

Tough call my friend...but, if you care about either of them...you can't just throw yourself at the mom.
Because the mom may not be thinking this through either.

You will always be able to get sex but, they only have one mother/daughter relationship.

The fact that you e mailed me is a great indication that not ALL the blood has left your brain yet.
I respect you for that...it shows you do have some integrity.

good luck
Boogie

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Viewer Writes:
Alright, so I have a problem...obviously. I really like this
guy, he likes me, and we both want to start a relationship. HOWEVER,
I've been building up some protective "walls", if you will, to prevent
anyone from getting too close and hurting me, but now that I've found
someone who I'd like to begin a relationship with, I'm having two
problems. 1: I've never been in a true relationship before...I'm 18...that's sad
I know, and I'm really nervous being on unfamiliar territory.
2: I can't seem to take down my defenses. I get this feeling in my gut that says
to keep them up. So, here I am, asking for advice on what I should do.

Boogie Responds:
I love this question because you are being so real and honest...so,
I will do my best to give you a real and honest answer. :)

This situation you are in is something most of us will be in
for the rest of our lives because the simple fact is...

MOST relationships don't work out.

The average person will be in at least a few relationships (sometimes quite a few)
before they find someone that they really want to go long term or, marry.
Even then...over half the marriages end in divorce.

I know that makes me an asshole to spoil the fairy tale
but, there is a good point...I promise...:)

Because of the strong emotions, expectations and sometime insecurities
that go along with a love affair (and especially a committed relationship)
it's usually painful when it ends...and I believe rightly so.

Our instincts, biologically for millions of years have taught us to avoid
pain and suffering as a method of survival.

Now that our brains have evovled (slightly) in a psycological sense over the last
couple thousand years...those same instincts try to protect us from emotional
pain and suffering...because our body and mind know that severe emotional pain
can cripple us almost as bad as a physical injury.

That's where your walls come from...they are a natural part of your body and mind
working together to protect you.

Don't fight it...it's a good thing...:)

It just means...you have to give yourself TIME to let this person earn your trust.

People have a tendancy to rush into a commited relationship like it's a god damn contest.

AS IF...you have to lock it down like a business deal with a time limit.

This mentality is a LOVE KILLER...I've seen this so many times it's insane.

People are so obsessed with owning the other person "Forever" that they
aren't spending time being in love today.

I'm not saying you never plan for a future with someone...but, most people rush it to the
point of stressing the "here and now" and evenutally kill the relationship.

You are in no hurry...if the other person is in a hurry...they are immature and it probably
won't work out anyway.

Now then...at 18 and never having been in a true relationship that has ended in pain...I'm
wondering...Where did you get the fear of pain?
Has someone else hurt you in a different way?
Family or, a close friendship perhaps?
These might be some things you want to look at...because usually walls come up after we've been
hurt.

Don't worry about this guy...just take your time, try to have a nice time with him,
keep your eyes open and let the walls come down
on their own.

lov4u
Boogie

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Viewer Writes:
I have a question: I believe my BF is masterbating to porn almost every day before
I get home from work, so he does it almost 5 days a week is this normal?

Boogie Responds:
Men masturbate nearly 7 days a week sometime more than once a day.

The problem is...why is he playing with himself instead of you?

This could be that he's having issues that make him not want to be intimate with you.
Are you having money problems? Is he fighting with his family? Did someone die?

All these can make a man shut down his intimacy.

Porn is just about getting off.
But, making love to a spouse or, girlfriend requires intimacy.

If he is masturbating but, then still having sex with you
...that is just a normal horny guy.

But, if he is replacing you with porn...then there is an issue.

Either way...honest communication is the only way to get to the bottom of this.
You have to insist on a good honest conversation.
...because you deserve to be given that respect.

Otherwise why be in a relationship?

lov4u
Boogie

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Viewer Writes:
Hello Boogie
Do you know what brain chemistry could induce a very bad mood
after waking in the afternoons?
I just awoke with this terrible feeling which I experienced all day.
It brought me to tears a few hours later as I just could not cope with it any longer.
It finally disappeared late at night.

Boogie Responds:
I'm glad you asked this...:)
Not being a doctor, I couldn't give you actual names of hormones/chemistry.

But, what I can suggest is what I frequently experience myself with what I call
"Dream residue" which is the lingering fear, anxiety, stress and/or depression
that affects you after you've woken up.

Even though you may not "remember" having a bad dream does not mean that you didn't.
It didn't even need to be a horrible, scary or, violent nightmare to trigger a change in mood.

It could have been a simple image of someone or, something
that you relate to as a stress trigger...like a bad person from your past/present
or, an object that reminds you of a bad experience.

Our dreams are very rapid and sometimes overlap multiple times
into other stories, images and scenarios.

Without babbling too long about it...I believe your brain (while in sleep state) entertains itself
with dreams and random images while your body regenerates.

Kinda like reading a magazine while you're waiting for your car to get fixed. :)

What we remember from our dreams is actually a very small portion of what that dream was.
We feel we remember it all but, seeing as it's transferring from the sub-conscious to the conscious,
it makes sense that some would get lost in the translation.

So, in your case I would say it's very likely that something in your dream that you don't remember
triggered an emotional response.

If it doesn't happen often, I wouldn't worry about it...but, it is very normal.

I've had nightmares follow me for weeks and cause a pretty decent amount of trauma...but, we all
already know that I'm fucking nuts so, it's no big deal...I've gotten quite used to it...:)

You also might need to talk with someone about what's going on in your life right now...perhaps there
are some fears or, pains you're not dealing with and they are coming up in your dreams...maybe???

Or, you body could be craving some missing vitamins and minerals
...eat some veggies and exercise...great for body, mind and spirit! lol

either way...you're ok...don't worry...think positive.

lov4u
Boogie

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Viewer Writes:
hi....well im 17 and well i have a problem and see what is ur
view on this.
ok about 2 mouths ago my mom promise me to take me to this theme park
with my bf and my bf and i dont see much of eachother cuz he lives an
hour and half away and is a pussy to get a car. she has agree about
every mouth when its a week more and were ganna go she taps out and says next
week. my mom makes good cash soo paying for the tickits are soo back.
every time we make plans she just once again taps out. my mom makes
promise and leaves them haging she already told me she taps out cuz she
dosnt want to go. i clean and work around the house and try to do stuff
for me. my mom still owes me 250 bucks. really what should i do, i have
to wait untill im 18 to get my drivers licence and just completly lost
also im not in school i drop out and got a GED soo what im asking is.
What should i do about my mom always promising me thing then cocks out?

Boogie Responds:
Well...from your letter you don't describe your mother as mean or, abusive...just flakey.

There are a lot of reasons why people don't follow through on
their promises and without knowing that much about you
or, your mom it's hard to make a guess.

But, the good news is your 17 and up to this point even though your mom
may not be taking you and your bf to amusement parks
...she's still letting you live at a place she's paying for.

I'm assuming of coarse she is cause you said she makes good money.

Maybe there is an issue of her childhood where her
parents promised her stuff and flaked.

If she has not dealt with that...then that may be what she thinks you're supposed
to do to be a parent...maybe she thinks it makes you rely on yourself
and become more independant...who knows.

Some issues you will not find out about until after you move out on your own.
You have your whole life to work out a hopefully good relationship with your mom.

It sucks that she's flakey...but, we don't know her point of view either.

If she's not super mean about it, just accept that everyone
has their issues...you and me included.

You'll be 18 in a year...and you can get a job and get your own place
while you decide how you want to live out your life and find happiness.

Do your best until then to lower your expectations of your mom keeping her word on doing stuff.
If you accept that is just how she is right now...you won't get as upset by it.

None of us are perfect and the law doesn't require parents
to take classes on communicating with their kids...it also doesn't
require us to learn how to talk to our parents.

Maybe it should...lol

Until then...you have to take responsibility for learning this stuff yourself
and become a better person.
hang in there and stay positive.
love4u
Boogie

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Viewer Writes:
Dear Boogie
First I wanted to say that I am a fan of both askboogie.com and your
myspace pages for a long while now. They always bring a smile.

I am 28 years old, have a beautiful 4 year old daughter, and have been
married to my husband for seven years. Shortly after I had my daughter
I was put into the hospital and diagnosed with bi-polar disorder-II and
schitzo-effective disorder.
I did the medication tango for three years and finally stopped all meds
last year. Im not really able to hold on to a job it seems and lately
my husband has been asking me to file for disability so that I can help
support my family somehow.

My fear is - things havent been going all that great at home, and Im
afraid that if my husband and I dont make it, that he will eventually use
my mental illness and disability against me and take custody of my
daughter from me.
I dont really have anyone to talk to who could give me an unbiased
opinion. Any advice you could offer would be appreciated.

Boogie Responds:
Thank you so much for writing...:)

Well...part of being "unbiased" is that I may say something you don't like.

So, because you asked for that...that is the way I will answer.
I congratulate you on getting off the meds...It's a big step at getting control
of your life back...:)

Now then...even though the custody issue is a valid concern
about the potential future, it is not today.

Your depression can easily sabotage you into neglecting the work you need to do
on yourself today...to obsess and shut down over a future that is not even real.

I have wasted many depressed years making my today worse because of my fears
of the future.

Now then...if you truly believe your marriage is in trouble...what are you doing
TODAY to work on that relationship?

Before you start worrying about the terms of the break-up, shouldn't you rather
be finding out what the problem with your husband is to see if you can improve it?

You have the power right now to take steps (big or, small) to make yourself a better
person...nobody is going to do it for you.

Are you in therapy?...are you in a self-help group or, online discussion group?
Are you working on small goals to improve your
ability to be able to get a job?
Even if it's a part time job (5-15 hours a week) doing basic labor...it's still
a good step to learning how to function back in the real world.

I've clean a lot of toilets/wiped tables getting my head back together...lol

Now...to indulge your concern about the " what if " scenario.

My unbiased opinion is...
My first concern is for the welfare, safety and education of the child.
That is also the position of the courts.

Whoever is the best at giving care to your daughter (not just financially) is the one that SHOULD have
custody.
That is what the courts would try to determine...should there be a custody issue.

Just because you are depressed doesn't automatically mean your husband will get custody.

If you can show the court that you are not a slave to your depression
and that you can still provide the best care
in a safe nurturing enviornment...the courts usually side with the mother or, grant joint custody.

So, if you are truly concerned about that...what are you also doing today to be
the mother that deserves custody of your daughter?

Are you active in your daughters development? (reading-vocabulary, learning numbers, social skills etc)
Is she in Pre-school? Are you active at the school with her?

Today is such a wonderful opportunity for you to take so many little steps towards being
a better person.
Don't let the bad chemicals and hormones tell you that the future is the thing to focus on.

If you are working hard today to be better...tomorrow will have more positive power to work with.
You can do it!! :)
lov4u
Boogie

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Viewer Writes:
ok so...
im a virgin. but i dont really wanna be, i'll say that straight up.
My girlfriend however has had A LOT of sex.
matter of fact she slept around quite a bit prior to us getting
together. That being said, I really really really wanna please her. like a
lot. I would most deffinetly say im in love and i can safely say she feels
the same. i like pleasing more than being pleased (we've had oral
several times and only once was the favor for me). I dont really know how
much she is expecting from me but i wanna please her as best as humanly
possible. and i htink im worrying a little cus i know i dont have the
largest of dicks. 5 1/2 inches.
im not entirely sure as to what im actually asking but any advice (or
bullshit) would be greatly appreciated.
thanks.

Boogie Responds:

Hey my friend, thanks for writing.
I'm gonna save you years of pain that I put myself through over this very topic.
If you want to please a woman, all you have to do is care about her and listen
to what she likes, then do it to the best of your ability.
.Other than that....DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT!!!

If you stress yourself out over your sexual ability or, lack of it...you will never
enjoy sex and you'll never get better at it.

Pressure does not belong in the bedroom.
If you stress yourself out too much you won't even be able to get an erection.
Sex is about flow and touch and fun.
If you really like the girl your with, let her know you want to learn what she likes.
This will start good communications.

If she's shy about telling you...just try different things and watch how she reacts.
If you do something she likes...she'll respond.

Also there is nothing wrong with getting a book on lovemaking.

DO NOT look to porn to teach you how to be a good lover.
Porn is not real sex...it is fantasy sex...all those fucked up positions
are very uncomfortable to most women.
The girls in the porno are acting for the benefit of the audience.

It's really not to hard to figure out...but, if you don't also
enjoy yourself...it won't be a good experience...so don't stress.

Lot's of kissing, lot's of touching...don't squeeze or, bite
anything too hard (unless you are asked to)

BIG TIP: Learn the proper way to give oral if she enjoys that
(most women do and will only orgasm with even clitoral stimulation...the clit
is the thing above the opening of the vagina, under the little hood
...it's about the size of a small bean or, pea)

The key to oral is finding out if they want to be licked (on the clit) softly and evenly or, a little harder (all vaginas are different)...then just be consistent and if she is getting excited keep doing what your doing until she orgasms.
If you pull this off...you're the KING!!!
Most guys can't even FIND the clit...lol

Ok, you now have a start...get in there and have fun...be safe and be loving.
Don't cheat yourself out of the adventure of learning by stressing out...that's not fun for anybody.

DON'T WORRY...it'll all work out.

peace4u
Boogie

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Viewer Writes:
I am depressed, cant eat sleep and have no energy to look
after my kids, went to doctor but they offered no help, can you please
suggest something?

Boogie Responds:
Hello there...:)
thank you so much for writing.

I'm very sorry your doc was a stupid...but, some doctors just don't understand depression.
A couple things that really help me get through bad seasons of sadness are...

1. Make the problems smaller...don't worry about the rest of your life...all you can do is live
one moment at a time...try to look at the little things you like,
(outdoors or, flowers...trees, ocean...etc.)
Maybe when your kids draw pics that makes you smile...focus on the many little things about life that are nice to see, feel, taste.
Life does not owe us happiness...if we have only had even
a couple moments...then we are quite lucky.

Don't look at other people who you THINK are happy...You are not them...so focus on yourself
and being happy NOW instead of wishing you had things that would make you happy in the future.
The future will never be here NOW so, deal with this moment.

When I'm really in bad shape...I just keep repeating the phrase "This too shall pass".
When I remind myself that my problems are temporary...the sadness leaves quicker.

2. Diet: Lot's of Sugars and Caffeine (coffee, tea, soda pop) can make it really hard to manage depression...because the sugars/Caffeine give you a quick rush of energy and then a quick crash. This makes it difficult to focus on balancing yourself out mentally because your body chemistry is going up and down.

Lot's of veggies and some good protein (chicken, fish).
Easy on the bread and cheese...bread creates a lot of sugar and is actually very hard on your digestive system.
Cheese and dairy can block you up too.
If your body isn't fighting to digest hard foods, you will have more energy
to focus on getting through depression.

People don't think diet has a lot to do with depression...diet has to do with
EVERY SINGLE FUNCTION OF YOUR BODY AND MIND.

Because it is everything that we are...what we eat.

Depression, happiness, love, anger and fear...are just very general names
we use to describe what we are feeling.

But, what you are actually feeling is a chemical reaction in your body, created by things
you put into your body, triggered by stimulus from outside the body.

Depression is nothing more than a signal your brain sends to your body that says "make this chemical/hormone"

Then your body makes it and you feel the effects of it.
Once again...looking at it this way helps to take away the power of depression because you've broken it down to a smaller problem.

The goal is not to fix the world...just balance the chemicals.

That's unfortunately why doctors just prescribe crappy meds...because people
don't want to learn how to fix it themselves...then want a pill to do it for them.

Pills/meds will NEVER fix the problem...it is an artificial balancing of your bodies chemicals.

Now then...if you're in an extreme state of depression...by all means...do what you have to, to balance yourself out...but, meds should only be used for a short time, while you learn to deal with your life on your own...Then you stop using the meds.

There are exceptions obviously but, MOST people who suffer from depression
do NOT need to go on meds.

I don't know if any of this helps...but, the last few weeks have been very rough for me...and the things I have talked about really do make a difference in how bad I get.

I'm not afraid of sadness anymore...I know what it is...and I know...
I CAN GET THROUGH IT.

I know YOU can get through it too.
I believe in you.
lov4u
Boogie

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Viewer Writes:
ok then here's my question, would it be wise for me to go to California from Pennsylvania to meet some guy i met on myspace?
yes we've been chatting and what not and i think hell why not?
so what do u think?
help me oh wise one

Boogie Responds:
As long as you can mix REALITY with ADVENTURE...then it could be fun.

The trick is...plan TWO separate trips.
Meaning...what will you do when you meet the guy
and he's a creep with bad breath and looks nothing like his pic.

Or, just the VERY common..."great on the phone...but, no fire in person" syndrome.

I've gone places to meet people...I study the area I'm going and make plans
to see some stuff in case the person I'm meeting is a dud or, creepy.

AND... of coarse there are the security issues that are VERY real...even for us adults.
Make sure you have an address and phone number on this guy to give to some friends before you leave if you wind up at his place make sure it's the address he gave you before you go in
...and honestly...
You should still meet him in public and hang out a while before going anywhere private with him...that should be " a given ".

You are in control of this meeting...always remember that.

If a girl asked me to...I'd meet her at the police station, if that made her feel comfortable.

...I think every city should have computerized screening booth at every police station where you
could both swipe your ID's in front of an officer and see if violent criminal records show up.
Why not...it's not like our culture is getting any safer on it's own.

but, always meet in public the first meeting.
That way...if he's a dud...you can leave and immediately go on your Plan B vacation.

You should have your own hotel room booked if you are going...once again to not be stuck...and to be safer.

If you guys hit it off...stay one night in your hotel and then maybe go to his place...(personally I would only stay at the hotel)

If you have a back up plan...you won't feel stupid for going...you'll have a good time anyway...and be able to laugh about what a nube the guy was.

But, if it works out, you'll feel even better about yourself because you took steps to be prepared and take care of yourself.

lov4u
Boogie

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Viewer Writes:
I am a 20 yr old college student who works
part time. I have not had many relationships in my life.
I've always been attracted to older men. Lately, at this new job that i work at, i've
started liking this man i work with.
He's 48 years old, but age is nothing but a number to me.
I am very attracted to him both physically and mentally.
We get along great, but he's happily married for 25+ years, with a 20 year old son and
18 yr old daughter.
But i can't help but really really like him.
Lately, we started talking about sex. I am a virgin, but to make things more
interesting, i pretend that i'm not and talk about sex.
He tells me about his boring sex life with his wife and we
talk about sex.
Recently, he has been getting erections while we talk
about sex, and i've told him that i'm very attracted to him (sexually).
Obviously he feels the same way. I do have morals and i am a very
intelligent young woman, but if he was to want to have sex with me or
something i would probably do it despite the fact he's married.
Within the last month or so things have been getting, well, let's just say
intense.

(NOTE FROM EDITOR: :Viewer goes on to describe light sexual contact)

I am so confused because i know he sees this as nothing more than a physical thing
but, i feel i have very strong feelings for him, almost love.
Do you think he has already cheated on his
wife by diong what he's doing with me?
I know it is a dead end relationship because he would never leave his wife
or family. Do you think hes taking advantage of me?
I've offered to have sex with him or have oral, but he
says he can't because he won't cheat. but hasn't he already cheated?
This is all so new to me. I'm so very confused. What is going on? I need
some advice on what i should do.


Boogie Responds:
I know and understand that this is a very new and exciting experience for you with this older man.
I also agree that age should not matter...so, the age difference is not a big deal to me.

But,...YOU ARE FUCKING WITH A MARRIED MAN!
That is shitty...and the fact that he is willing to fuck around with you means that HE is shitty.

No matter what he tells you about how bad his sex is and how his wife doesn't understand...blah blah...
it is bullshit...he's TOTALLY using you.

He apparently does not respect his wife and family enough to divorce her if he is sooooo un happy...
so, the same would happen if he was with you once he is sick of you.
Married men that fool around with younger women WHILE they are married are very unstable and insecure people.

It would be another thing if he were single and you were single and you hit it off great.
but, that is NOT the case.

Do NOT give your virginity to this man...it's only a matter of time before he takes you up on your offers.

You want to go the rest of your life knowing you helped wreck a family your first time having sex???
I know you have feelings for him...but, you are going down a bad road...
you are being part of lies to his wife and deception to his family.

How would YOU feel if you were his wife of many years, giving him loyalty and a family...
then he dumps you like a piece of shit to fool around with a 20 year old behind your back???

Don't become this person...you will not be happy with yourself.
Let him divorce his wife if he's so serious about you...his wife at least deserves that.

Don't talk to him about sex anymore...avoid him....what you are doing is not cool.

"Love is not a permit to fuck up peoples lives...that is not love...that is selfishness".

You are better than that...I know it.
Don't feel bad for having feelings for this guy...but, acting on your feelings is a different story.

He is preying on your lack of experience.

good luck
lov4u
Boogie

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Viewer Writes:
I Have this asshole husband i don't know what to do with. we
have a 5 month old son (a true gift from God). He treats me like total
crap. He's emotionally abusive, sometimes physically, he makes awesome
money and won't let me stay home to take care of our son. He expects me
to do everything around the house, not to mention he lost his drivers
license for 18 months. He drinks too much and it seems like he doesn't
want to deal with the baby- like it's my responsibility only. What
really sucks is that i 'stumbled' upon his work email and found he had an
affair with some 21 year old slut. He kept denying it and i kept
badgering him until he finally had it and gave in and told me about it. I went
on anti-depressants. I can't even leave him because i have no where to
go. What are your thoughts on this?

Boogie Responds:
Do you really need me to tell you what you need to do?

If you are not happy and being treated like shit...you have to leave.
Even if it means finding a temporary women's shelter.

The money is not as important as your happiness.
Your child growing up around you "pretending" to be happy in a crappy relationship
is HORRIBLE for a child.
They are not that stupid.

A child does not need two parents that hate each other
...the child only needs REAL LOVE and positive role models in their life.

If you can not offer that with your husband...you are cheating your child out of
a slim hope at happiness that life does not grantee anyway.

If your husband is drinking and abusive...you can't even
talk to someone like that face to face...don't even try.

Talk to a lawyer, talk to your local police about getting a restraining order if you have to.

But, you have to leave...you have to make a plan...and leave.

MAYBE...if he see's you are serious...he will take steps towards changing...even though
this is not usually the case...which is better because now you are at least already out of the house.

You can write him a letter but, be BRIEF and be very direct...

Something like:
"When you are ready to be a husband and treat me with the respect you vowed on our wedding day...I will come back and we will be take steps to be a happy family...if not...hire a lawyer...Our child deserves better and so do I"

A ten page letter with lots of "You did this's and I feel like blah blah" will only give him more ammunition to fuck with your head...and turn it around on you...that's what assholes/abusers do.
Most women just don't seem to understand this...DON'T GIVE MEN AMMUNITION IN THE EARLY PHASES OF BATTLE!

The deep emotional stuff is what you discuss in the presence of a marriage counselor who is hopefully trained enough to keep you guys honest and not viscous, while working through tough issues.
If you are going to even hope for staying together at this point...you will need "qualified" counseling.

But, you should NOT move back in the until you have least had a couple of positive counseling session to help lay down some honest ground rules.

If he refuses counseling , IMMEDIATELY move towards divorce...show him YOU are in charge of your happiness...and are ready to move swiftly to get on with your life.
Once again...this will take away HIS control over you and maybe motivate him to change.
This... of coarse depends on whether he even cares to stay with you or, if he just want to control / own you.

Now then....I know this is an ugly idea that I'm presenting...I also know...you will most likely not be as immediate and aggressive as I've suggested...if at all...most women get scared or, manipulated by the abuser.
They end up talking themselves out of their desire to be truly happy for them and their child... and stay for years...MISERABLE.
That's just the sad truth.
Most people in your situation (men and women) don't believe enough in themselves to be strong.
They have been beaten down...and forget how strong they really can be.

You must be aggressive about this...for yourself...for your child...it's time to toughen up.
What did you do before you were married???
You survived your whole life up until you were married...without him...You will survive after him.

I truly hope YOU will be strong enough...I believe in you...I know you can do it.
No matter what anyone tells you ....YOU ARE WORTH HAPPINESS...and so is your child.

good luck
lov4u
Boogie

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Viewer Writes:
I have a promblem...and see its dealing with sex im 23yrs old
and no im not a virgin. But latlley I have been wantig to save myself
until I get married. see I met this nice guy and I told him im not
haveing sex until I get married. And I really do mean what I say... Do you
think its a little late to be safeing myself now.
and do you think by me telling that, ran him away?

Boogie Responds:

Well...seeing as I'm a rather sexually liberated individual I will tread
lightly on this one...:)

There is nothing wrong with you doing ANYTHING that you feel makes
you a happier person.
So, if making this decision about your sexuality is something that makes
you happy...I say go for it!

Now then...On to reality.
If you are going to go outside of strictly religious/sexually repressive
circles to find your husband...you are in for much rejection because of your
new choice...that is a fact...sorry.

I've heard women take this stance many times at many points of their dating lives.

They get so tired of feeling used just for sex by the men they are dating that they vow
to take away the sex to try to "Weed out" those who would use and hurt them.

But, soon they realize that truth is...men want sex...other than sex...men don't really know
what they want...but, they know they want sex.
We are sexual beings...it's why there are so many of us...lol

You tell most men..."you can't have sex with me until we're married"...they will leave.
Or, they will start lying to you to break you down/ cheat while your engaged.

The reason this doesn't work is that by saying that, you've just put a BIG price tag on sex.

It is no longer something that has to do with love intimacy or, passion...it is a condition...it is
you exerting your "pussy power" over a man.
Men do not respond well to this....I don't respond well to it either.

It also hints to a man that you are most likely not very sexual.

A lot of women still believe that marriage fixes things or, makes men better...marriage fixes nothing.
Two people working together fixes things.
Whether you are married or, not.

There are a lot of guys that might eventually marry you...but, not a lot that will suffer
a long engagement of chastity.

I honestly don't think a man who does not want to wait is automatically a bad person.
It is miserable to be a sexual person and to have your sex held hostage by
someone your dating...I've had it done to me...it's horrible.

I was also a born again christian minister (believe it or, not)...so, I did the "no sex before marriage thing.
What happened???
...I got married WAY before I was mature enough to handle a marriage
because I wanted the sex.
FYI: I was not a virgin before I became a christian...so, it was even more horrible.
Glad that's over...lol

However... if you are determined that this is the best choice for you...I say stick
to your guns...and wait for a guy with a low sex drive.

Or, if the reason you are taking this stance is because of not wanting to be used...
change your standard to "I'm saving my sex until I'm in love...or, in a monogamous relationship".
That's a lot easier for a man to swallow...and is more realistic in our culture.
hope this helps.
lov4u
Boogie

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Viewer Writes:

First, thanks for taking your time to answer other people's worries.
I have one of my own I hope will get some of your much sought-after
attention.

I am a young mom with 2 kids, ages 9 and 21 months. My hubby and I have
been together for about 10 years.
I work a very hectic schedule that leaves me frazzled. To top it off, I have a very short
temper and I carry a LOT of my stress with me.

My 9 year old has been very emotional lately. He's normally an
emotional kid, but never to this extent. He'll come close to tears when we tell
him no to something he wants - if he doesn't get to spend the night
with a friend, if he can't borrow a video game or get/buy the thing he
wants. I get really frustrated with him because these are material wants
and he seems to throw a fit or cry when we say no. He refuses to let us
try to calm him down.

I'm exasperated, this kid leaves me more frustrated than I was before
the fit. Can you offer any suggestions to help me de-stress my kiddo and
help him to cope with the fact he simply cannot have his way all the
time and it's ok to let things go sometimes ?

Boogie Responds:

Well first and foremost I will be careful about the advice I give to
a parent seeing as I don't have children of my own.

However, I worked with children for many years (ages 5 and up ) and
have a lot of experience in understanding and dealing with children on
an emotional level.
Plus...I was a kid for my whole childhood...so, I feel I'm qualified to talk
about how kids think...:)

This honestly just sounds like a child's natural manipulative behavior.
Some children just cry loud and longer because...the haven't been taught
that it doesn't work.
If he's still throwing tantrums means, that it's still working for him.

Up until just recent history...the young had to grow up much quicker
because NOBODY put up with that shit for very long.

In our culture now...we allow children to be children a lot longer
in hopes of developing a broader emotional and creative personality.

Some people think it's bad to impose limits on a child's temper tantrums.

I think it's important to allow a child to feel their emotions
but, temper tantrums (unless there is a real emotional problem or, medical issue)
is mainly a tool the child uses to impose their will aggressively, selfishly
and sometimes if not dealt with...violently.

I don't believe that should be encouraged , especially not at 9 years old.

If this behavior is not addressed and met with a firm consistent plan of action...your
child will have temper tantrums into his adult life.

I've seen it...it's a really damn sad sight.
I've seen adults in their 30's and even one in his 50's throw screaming kicking,
red in the face temper tantrums.

Child development is all about programming cause and effect.
Hint: It's the same with adults...we just pretend it's not.

Kids are not embarrassed to do WHATEVER it takes to get what they want and
they surely are not concerned with whether it embarrasses or, upsets you.

Programming is about, following a program consistently.

The main word is Consistency...100% Consistency

Consistent discipline for uncontrollable outbursts (stay in your room until you
calm down, no video games...no desert...no tv...etc) matched with consistent positive reinforcement.

"Mommy and daddy love you and WANT to be with you but,
we will NOT be with you when you behave this way.
If you are sad...we really want to talk about it...but, we will NOT tolerate temper tantrums."

Consistently EVERY TIME...no exceptions. Consistency Consistency Consistency
Did I mention that Consistency is the key word here??? :)

If you show somebody ( especially a child ) exactly where the wall is,
they will adjust their behavior to that wall.
If you put holes in that wall...they will keep going through.

This is called "enabling"...children's manipulative behavior (just like adults) is like water...
water goes wherever it CAN.

If you don't plug the holes in the wall the water will seep through.

Ask yourself this question:
"If I reward negative behavior...what will be my child's motivation to stop
that negative behavior???

If I handed you a 100 dollar bill for walking up and kicking me in the leg...you'd kick that crap
out of me every day.

If you give in and give your child whatever it is they are crying about...
they will cry EVERY time because they know that's what works.

In psychology this is called "Operant Conditioning"
Or, pushing the right buttons to get the desired effect.

ANY reward during or, after a temper tantrum is validating the behavior.

Even if it's an inconvenience to you and means
canceling a trip out, birthday party, holiday festivities...whatever.

Until your child stops with the tantrums...you MUST NOT GIVE IN...
otherwise you are hurting him for the rest of his life.

It does not make you a bad person...you should not feel guilty.
Stay the coarse...(this term doesn't always work in politics but, it's good in human behavior...lol)

It may seem easier to just "give in" to shut him up...but, you are
actually prolonging your misery because you are
helping him permanently program a negative behavior.

Loving someone means sometimes you have to be firm...especially when
you know what's best for them.

Trust me...children are quick learners...if you are truly consistent.
your child will not waste his time on a trick that doesn't work.

If after a few weeks of consistently NOT re-enforcing you child's behavior...there might
be another issue there and perhaps consulting child therapist might give you some
better tools to help find out what that issue is.

...NOW to throw in a monkey wrench...is it possible that your short temper
is helping re-enforce your son's???
How are YOU dealing with YOUR stress?
yes, I'm an asshole for throwing that in but, how your child see's you cope with
anger can be the example they follow.

Good luck...and BE CONSISTENT..:)
lov4u
Boogie

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Viewer Writes:

I dated this young chick. She worshiped the ground i walked
on. for two years and i treated her like crap. now i realize i made a
mistake and want her back, but she is seeing someone new. i was her first
love, and the first to bed her. I'm currently stationed overseas for 3 more
months. how do i keep her mind on me and off of him? i've already
apologized, sent flowers, you name it. i'm making progress, but i don't like
the threat of that other dude. i've asked all my friends, but any
advice or bullshit someone can offer would be much appreciated.
thanks

Boogie Responds:

Does she OWE you a second chance?

You openly admit that you treated someone like shit for
two years while they cherished you...and now because you
apologize and send flowers she's supposed to drop everything
and take you back to possibly treat her like shit again???

Sorry bro...it doesn't work that way.

If you REALLY want her back you're going to have to SHOW HER that you've
changed and actually BECOME a better person...not just kiss her ass and tell
her a bunch of shit you think she wants to hear.

Immature / insecure women fall for ass kissing when they're still IN the
relationship but, once it's over and they get some distance from you
or, start dating someone who actually respects them....why should they
take you back?

Would you?

If a chick treated you like shit and made you feel that your love was worthless
for two years would you take her back?

I sure wouldn't...and I've been in that situation before...more than once (young and stupid).

To be really honest...just from the short letter your wrote,
this kinda sounds like it's just a game to you.

It doesn't really sound like you love her...you just don't want
to be beaten out by another guy that's possibly
going to be a better boyfriend than you were.

That and possibly the loneliness of being overseas.

She's not your property anymore...she actually never was.

If you REALLY cared about her happiness because you REALLY love her...
You would back off and take time to work on yourself to make sure
you never treated her or, another girlfriend like crap again.

Your apology is not very sincere, if you only apologized to get her back.

If you're really SORRY you'll be happy for her with her new dude if
it's making her happy.

But, I'm not feelin that from you at all.

A real man can admit his mistakes...you've done that and I think that
a great step of maturity...but, a real man can also accept that his mistakes
will sometimes cost him...permanently.

No matter what...you know you have some things to work on in your life
to make sure that you don't treat someone you're dating poorly.

I'm really glad you wrote but, I'm pretty positive that this isn't what you
wanted to hear from me.
But, I can only call em how I see em'

If I'm wrong...well then...I'm just some full of shit idiot on the internet sharing
my opinion.

good luck and get home safe :)
peace
Boogie

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Viewer Writes:

Dear Boogie
I'm deeply in love with my x and he says he feels the same but, every time
i tell him i feel that way he dis me. After awhile he gets all lovly and then when i want him back
he dis me. Now im getting soo pissed and i cant get over him what should i do?
P.S. ur songs F**kin Rock

Boogie Responds:

Hey thar...:)
It's ok to know you still have feelings for someone...it's what you DO with those feelings that makes it a good choice or, a bad choice.

It sounds like he just wants to keep you around for X-sex.
If he was being for real...he would be "for real"...you feel what I'm saying?

Why do you want to be with someone who you already know isn't right for you
(that's why he's your X-boyfriend) and even after your broke up is still dissin' you.

You need to move on...you need to be happy to be with yourself for a while to get over him.
You will be happier because you know you did the right thing.

You deserve someone who is at least going to treat you with respect...right?

It comes down to loving or, at least liking yourself.
If you feel good about yourself you will see straight through his bullshit
and say..."I deserve BETTER"

Give yourself some distance from him for a while...If you keep in contact with him it just
makes it harder to see clearly without him.
Be strong for you.

lov4u
Boogie

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Viewer Writes:

Hello sir Boogie! I am going to be 18 soon and there's a
girl that I have been friends with for several years. She is 14 years old
now. The other day she told me about how she's always had the biggest
"crush" on me. We simply laughed about this for the rest of the day,
but later that night, she called me and we got into this big
relationship talk... Now, she doesn't find our age difference strange at all, but
she's going to be a freshman in high school and i'm going to be a
freshman in college. I know she "likes" me and i've come to realize that I
"like" her too, but would it be strange with me being about three and a
half years older than her? She's really nice and isn't a complete
idiot/alcoholic like the rest of the girls in my area. Please help me out
here man.

Boogie Responds:

Dude...you will go to prison...DO NOT FUCK AROUND...do you know
how many THOUSANDS of men have gone to jail for this???

it's doesn't matter if it's only a couple of years...
YOU are going to be a legal adult...and SHE is still a minor.

One fight with her.
One fight with her parents.
One pissed of school counselor.
One concerned neighbor..
and somebody will report you...and you can go to prison for Statutory Rape.
or, at least a giant, expensive multi-thousand dollar legal case.

She likes you now...what happens when you piss her off
or, she starts pulling Jr. high drama on you.

Not a good idea...repeat...BAD IDEA.

If you were here...friend to friend...I'd bitch slap you until you came back to earth. :)

Did I mention that this is a bad idea and that you can go to prison and
FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE BE A REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER.

When you go to jail as a sex offender you might get fucked up (or, fucked) by other inmates.
You will have to be separated and do your time with other fucking REAL perverts and sickos.

You see, once your in prison...everyone finds out what your in for...
and they won't believe you when you try to say "oh but, it was only 3 1/2 year difference"

Even if you NEVER lay a finger on her sexually...she can lie and you go bye bye.
You think I'm full of shit???

ok, that's cool...but, do me a favor...

Go to a pay phone and anonymously call your local police stations non-emergancy number..
.ask to talk to a detective and ask him/her if it's a good idea.

WHY RISK YOUR ENTIRE FUTURE???....WHY???
I'm going off on you because your not thinking with your brain.

Once you turn 18...YOU ONLY DATE 18 and OVER...
unless you live in a State where the age of consent is 16.

But, nowhere in America is the age of consent 14.

Ok, I'm done... you asked...I shot straight with you...

You're going to do what you want...
but, I'm not going to stick up for you in court or, visit you in jail.
I'm not over reacting this is a real possibility for what you considering.
Make the right choices.
peace
Boogie

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Viewer Writes:
How to get a girl to like me dude!!!!!!

Boogie Responds:

That's easy...become a likeable person.

Don't be selfish.

Don't be a complete pussy (women don't biologically respond to that)
...but, don't be a greedy asshole either.

Be interested in her thoughts...be interested in her life.
Become someone who wants to see more than what's in front of you.
and most important...BE YOURSELF.

If you have to pretend to be someone else to get someone to like
you...it'll never work anyway because you're lying to yourself and her.

If you ARE being yourself and she still doesn't like you?
...fuck it...find someone else...you're not her type...no big deal.

Everyone can't love you or, me. ( trust me dude...most women don't want me as
a lover )

Don't stress about it...Just move on and find someone who will.
Good luck.

peace4u
Boogie

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Viewer Writes:

I plan on entering the military shortly after my 18th
birthday. For me it's a matter of personal honor, among other things, and I've
examined it thoroughly, and I have no questions about that.
My problem is that my current girlfriend who I am in love with is adamantly
against it. She told me that if I sign the papers, I won't see her anymore.
I want to do this for myself, but at the same time I have many options
other than the military where I could stay with her, but what I really
want is to be a soldier. How can I reconcile the differences?
What should I choose, love or happiness? Her reasoning is that she is a refugee
from eastern Europe and doesn't want to associate with war again, but I
tried to explain that the United States is not the same as her home. I
am utterly confused, and I don't want to make a mistake and lose love,
or regret my whole life that I didn't do what I wanted.
Any help, please!?

Boogie Responds:

Well...the first thing you will learn about being a soldier is sacrifice.

You are giving up many of your rights to become the property of
the armed services.
They will control your thoughts and destiny for the entire term of your service.
You will give up your rights in order to fight for the rights of others...at least that's the
idea.

You could become injured or, die.
You may end up in a war you don't believe in.
You may end up serving under someone who does not appreciate your honor
and true spirit of patriotism.
No government is perfect and never has been. Many true soldiers in many different nations
have been wasted over the bad ideas and corruption of it's leaders...
The U.S is no different...we have made many mistakes too.

However...
You may be called on to do something great and noble...that will give
you the sense of purpose you are looking for.

If your desire is to be a soldier and serve your ideals of honor and patriotism..
I can only say you must be who you are.

However...you must let your girlfriend be who she is.

If you try to change her views then you are not letting her be who SHE wants to be.
She apparently does not want to be with a soldier...and from the past she comes from...
I can't blame her one bit...she escaped to America to get away from mans wars and visions
of honor...she's done with it.

You cannot be selfish...you must respect her right to not want to be with you if
you join.
If you force her to...then you're already going against the ideal of an American soldier, which
is to protect peoples rights...that is hypocrisy.

My advice...you're only going to be 18...you can wait a couple years to sign up.

Trust me with recruitment having the troubles they are making their goals...they'll take you
at 22 with NO PROBLEM.
Your recruiter is going to make up a bunch of bullshit of how you need to join now to get
your programs situated...but, that's only because he is under the gun to put bodies into
boot camp.
Always remember a recruiter only gives a shit about you until you get on the bus.
Then they're onto the next recruit...

Stay with your girlfriend and see where it goes.
In six months you could break up anyway...then join with a clear mind.
Perhaps in a year you will find another path that gives you just as much purpose as
serving in the forces.
Maybe not...but, as young as you are...you can afford the time.

Good luck
Boogie

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Viewer Writes:

I had a sexual dream about my cousin the other day...I have
no idea why. I'm not a pervert or anything and don't even think of her in
that way. That is just wrong. It kinda freaked me out. Is that kind of
dream normal or do i have issues?

Boogie Responds:

This is a great question!
Thank you for being honest about something that is
VERY common and yet NOBODY wants to talk about it...because
EVERYBODY is freaked out by it.

Dreams of sexual encounters with anything and anybody
(including relatives, men, woman, animals...etc.)
do happen for most of us at certain times in our dream
history.
Though I'm not an expert on dream psychology (which is a pretty
vague and widely argued topic anyway)... I've had vivid dreams and nightmares
my whole life.

I've had many sexual dreams with people, places and things
that have messed with my head horribly once I wake up.
I won't go into details but, let's just say some of the dreams
have left me suicidal that my brain could even produce such
images and put me in the middle of it.
Dreams that represent everything that I'm against.

After many years of seeking wisdom and education on this topic,
I've learned how to not be upset when I have these types of dreams.

We must remember...the subconscious mind works completely different
from our waking mind.
The subconscious mind does not have the same social restraints and morality
that our waking mind does.
The subconscious mind's only purpose is to solve physical puzzles by releasing
chemicals into the body and other parts of the brain.

Our subconscious mind is not attached to socially evolved morals, it only functions
based on the instincts of the human animal.

Which annoyingly...we always seem to forget, that's what we are.

In the wild...if you watch the other predators (which humans are) you will see...
rape, murder, incest, torture and every other socially "Evil" behavior, that only recently in the past
few thousand years have humans attempted (poorly) to evolve away from.

When you're asleep, your subconscious mind is acting on the millions of years
of animal instincts that have helped it to survive for millions of years.
Therefore it is completely NORMAL to see behaviors in dreams that reflect
things that we are trying to evolve socially away from.

This does not mean you're evil or, being called by your mind to perform or ACT on
things just because you had a dream about it.

Dreams are just clips and puzzles that reflect a number of emotions, desires and hormonal /chemical
secretions that we experience daily.
Just because your mind put your cousins face into a sexual dream doesn't mean you
have to act on it...or, even that you're attracted to your cousin.

However in the wild 10,000 years ago...you probably would've been.

The most important thing to realize is that, when you are awake...YOU have the choice
to evolve.
The fact that our subconscious mind has not evolved to the level of our waking mind should
not shock, embarrass or, upset you.
The very fact that it DOES upset you...is a sign that you are choosing to evolve.

If this was a constant repeated dream that included violence towards your cousin...I would say
maybe there is an issue there that you need to address...but, if it's a random dream...don't worry about it.
You're normal.
Make good choices.

lov4u
Boogie

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Viewer Writes:

This year I met this beautiful 21 year old woman online.
I'm 21 as well.
A week later she drove like 12 hours so we could
meet in person.
We spent the night togeather....hell yeah...
Now shes back home in Michagin, I'm in Colorado but, she calls me like 5
times a day, tells me she loves me, wants to move here
and get a place with me.
This all sounds nice and all but, we just met,
so my question is... Is this possible??
I think I might love her, I do care for her a lot.
I'm constantally thinking of her.
I need your advice. I dont want to hurt her in any way but, I also don't
want to get hurt myself.

Boogie Responds:

Whooooo weeeeeee...first thing, sir horn dog,
you need to...TAKE A BIG DEEP BREATH.
Here we'll do it together ...ready?....1.....2.....3...inhale....whoooooosh,
and now...exhale...ahhhhhhhhhhh. Gooooood.
Ok, now that we got some of the oxygen out of your dick
and back into your brain let's see if we can makes some sensible
decisions about what you have going on here.

Now then...I'm sure it was really exciting having someone who was a
total stranger come out and screw your brains out.
I've had it happen...it's great fun.
BUT...let's not rush away and join the "Stupid Circus"
after one exciting night.

I am not saying that this couldn't work out to be something really
great but, you have some really serious issues to look at first.

First...any woman that after only one encounter is willing to pick up and
move halfway across the country to live with a near total stranger,
is either really naive, immature or, running away from something.
Or,...all of the above.

If you two really do want to be together that's awesome but, you are
taking a GREAT risk to move too quickly.

What if she moves out there with you and you find out she's a psycho?
Or, that you don't even get along together after a week?

People usually date for quite a while before they start even talking about
moving in...and even then it's not a guarantee that it will work out.
Do you like the idea of having someone stuck in your place that you can't stand
because you had them move halfway across the country without even
getting to know them first???

That wouldn't be fair to you and it sure as hell wouldn't be fair to her.

My VERY strong suggestion is that you take it easy on the moving in thing
until you've seen her a few more times.

The e mail and telephone is great for getting to know each other mentally
but, you need to spend more time with each other in person to see if
there's enough chemistry for the type of commitment you're talking about.

Set up another trip where either you drive to her or, she drives to you again
but, this time spend a few days together...then make another trip for maybe a week.

If you're still really into each other after a few months...then talk about
a move like that.
If you're really in love and want to be with her you'll be together a long time
RIGHT???
So, what's a few months to make sure it's the right thing to do?

Even after all that, it doesn't mean it'll work but, at least you were responsible
enough to try to make the best and most mature decisions.

Good luck
Boogie

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Viewer Writes:

I have been told by a doctor that I have Bipolar.
This is an extremely hard issue for me to deal with.
I have ups and downs and know one seems to listen to me.
I feel like everybody has there own problems and doesn't
want to deal with mine. I have a husband and three children, one which
has ADHD, I also think he is autistic. How do you deal with all the
confusion?
I'm not asking for a sudden answer to my problems, but I can't
deal with all of this and please don't tell me to get counseling
because it doesn't work and I'm on several types of meds and I just don't know
what to do. And to be honest my phyc.dr. is as crazy as I am. What to
do? Do you have anything to say about this ?.
Please respond as soon as possible.

Boogie Responds:

Rule #1 for depression.
The only person who is going to care the most about you...is YOU.
It would be great if everybody's lives revolved around our recovery
but, that is not the case.
You're right...everybody DOES have their own problems.
You are responsible for your recovery and YOU ALONE.
If you are lucky enough to have some support from your
loved ones then that's great but, never expect it.

Rule #2 for dealing with depression.
Keeping and nurturing a negative attitude dramatically feeds your depression
and hopelessness.
In a one-paragraph letter you have shot down everything
and labeled it as a lost cause.
Counseling doesn't work, meds don't work and nobody cares about you.
These are called "Absolutes".
Never, nobody, always...these are terms that suck away all hope and are
seldom justified or, accurate.

If all you keep saying nothing works, my life is shit...do you really think your
mind and body are going to translate that into happiness???

How bout saying...
"There is hope, there is a solution. I just haven't found it yet"
" I must keep looking, I must keep trying...I WILL FIND HAPPINESS"

Have you gone to every counselor and support group in the world???
NO you haven't.
But, you want to cast a negative blanket over the entire field because you have
not yet found a counselor or group that you click with.

That unjustly steals away all hope...hopelessness leads to depression.

Just because someone is a counselor or, doctor does not mean they are
qualified to deal and relate to your individual needs.
Just because someone has a degree in psychology does not mean
that makes them a great counselor.

It doesn't surprise me that you think you doctor is nuts...most of them are.
MOST psychologists, psychiatrists knowledge is NOT based
in personal experience and recovery but, in what they learned from a book.

I'm not saying they can't help but, I prefer someone who can
show me personal proof that what they are preaching to me works.

That's why I'm a big fan of support groups.
It's a bunch of people who are all going through
the same thing that you are.
The people who are farther along in their recovery
are right there in front of you so, you can
see it working...that gives great hope.

Self help books written by those that have great experience in recovery
are really good for that too.

Medications
I have few comments on because I don't like them and don't agree
with them in most cases.
Meds are not a cure for depression...they only level out a symptom (sometimes)
Meds should only be used along with your psychological recovery in cases where
the issues your dealing with are too overwhelming.
Usage should only be temporary.

Doctors who emphasize meds over psychological work and recovery
are nothing more than legal drug dealers who turn their patients into confused
zombies who have to keep paying to see the doctor to get more meds.

I keep using the terms psychological work and recovery let me give
a definition.

Work and recovery is not just digging into your mind to find out
what triggers your depression (past unresolved emotional issues,
abuses, fears that make you seek bad relationships etc.) but,
also the work of reprogramming your thinking, behaviors
and personal philosophies to help you avoid those triggers
in your day to day life.

Life does not owe you happiness.
Suffering and survival is the way of living creatures on this planet.
Happiness is a gift we give ourselves for a moment a day
if we are lucky.

Stop shooting everything down because you're sad and confused.
Program your mind to only use statements that allow for hope.

I believe if you don't give up and stay positive YOU WILL get better.
It's kept me alive...and I'm about as fucked up as they come...:)

Love4u
Boogie

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Viewer Writes:

What do I say to my x-husband at Christmas time or any time
for that matter? Because I still love him very much, but we are both
remarried. We remarried in Aug. of this year. But we were married for 12
years and have 2 beautiful children together. I just feel so
uncomfortable around him and his new wife. I'm not sure if I tell him how I feel
or, not I'm somewhat miserable in my second marriage and not sure if he
feels the same or not, but I'm just not sure as to how or what I should
say to him. Or, do I not say anything at all.

Boogie Responds:

First off let me say..."Fuck Holiday blues"...there, I said it.

Holidays make a lot of people really confused about who they are and
where their life should be emotionally during the holidays.
If we are already unhappy with our lives (relationships, family situations or, lack there of),
the holidays amplify that feeling because everywhere we go it's being
jammed down our throats.
We're told that this is the season to love your family and cuddle
with your true love...and of coarse buy them presents to show you care.

Now then... on to your X-husband.

Do you honestly feel that you still are in love with him because
he was a great husband or, just because you're unhappy with the new husband.

If he was so great, why did you divorce in the first place???

It is very common to forget the bad stuff about a past relationship
when we are unhappy and lonely for the illusion of true love.
I've done it LOTS in the past...it's called "emotionally bargaining with yourself".
The thought is..." Well, it wasn't a great relationship but it was better than what I have now "

But, the reality seems to be that you're not happy in your life and you
feel a relationship is the only thing that can make you happy.
The fact that you jumped into another bad marriage after the last one failed is a
good hint towards that theory.

It doesn't make you a bad person...it just means that before you make any
big decisions you should get a little help figuring out who you are
and what you really want.

My opinion???
Well...you asked for it.

First off...I wouldn't say anything to your X about it.
Why drag him and his new wife into your confusion?

Maybe he's happy.

Maybe he's not but, he IS married right now and SO ARE YOU.

There are other peoples feelings besides yours involved here.
You really need to figure some things out for yourself first.

The fact that your considering opening up a can of worms that could fuck with
6 ( include the kids) separate lives because you're confused, shows
that you're emotions and logic are not entirely stable right now.

You think you feel uncomfortable now around his new wife?
Start throwing the " I think I'm still in love with you " thing at him and find out
he's not receptive to it.
Or, how bout your current husband gets a call from his new wife telling him
to keep you the hell away from her husband.
Would you blame her for that?...I sure wouldn't

Because you have children together it could also complicate that aspect...greatly.

If you're that miserable with your new husband you should
be in counseling with him to see if it can be resolved.
If he's not receptive to that, then you should separate
for a while and go yourself.
You will never have much to gain from a serious relationship (or, offer) until
you figure out what's inside of you that's making you always unhappy in your
relationships.

No matter what...don't do anything until the holidays are over.
Maybe you just have a really bad case of the holiday blues.
Maybe you'll see clearer once the Christmas lights come down.
Good luck
Lov4u
Boogie

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Viewer Writes:

Hi boogie, I am a14year old girl.
I have one elder brother he is 17 years old.
We sleep in a combined room.
Some nights I feel when I sleep he stares at my breasts.
One night I'm sleeping on my bed, at midnight I feel some hand on
my ass searching . I open my eyes I see my brother near my bed totaly naked.
I see his dick. He is pushing my breasts. I wake up and ask him what you doing.
He said please sister once show your body for me and have sex with me.
I am so scared tell me what shold I do.
Do I tell my parents or not.

Boogie Responds:

You need to tell your parents.
If they won't believe you then you need to tell a school teacher or the principle
of your school so, they can tell someone to help you.
I feel bad that your brother is sick.
Tell your parents first...and let them know you are not mad at your brother
so they don't think you are telling a lie.
But, a lot of times parents will not want to believe you because they
don't want a son that is like that.
It will make them feel like they are bad parents.
So, they lie to themselves and call you a liar or, try to say that you did something to make him act like that.
If that happens, I will be sad for you even more...but, it does happen a lot.

But, you cannot hide it...Do you understand me???...You have to tell somebody.
Otherwise your brother will keep trying and maybe one day even hurt you.
I don't want that for you...I know you don't want that for you.
You don't deserve to have to live like that. It's not your fault.

lov4u
Boogie

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Viewer Writes:
I have never had an orgasm during sex, and I just need some tips or something
cus my boyfriends doin' fine, and I'm basically gettin' the short end of
the stick (no pun intended). I lost my virginity about two or three
months ago, and I've had sex like 15 times or something like that, and no
orgasm, so you can probably see how that would begin to annoy me. So,
if you know anything about that, would you please do me a favor,
and let me know. Thank you so much!

Boogie Responds:
Thank you so much for your question.
Welcome to the wonderful new adventure of human sexuality.

First things first...relax...your pussy is not broken.
You just started having intercoarse...don't be so hard on yourself.
It is going to take you a while to learn how your vagina works that way.
I understand that your frustrated but, don't worry, what you're going through is
completely common and completely fixable.

This is a fact:
MOST woman do NOT have vaginal orgasms during intercourse without clitoral
stimulation.
The clit is the spot above your hole with the little hood over it (usually the size
of a small pea)
It's the thing that feels really good when you touch it.

This leads me to my next questions...do you masturbate and have you ever
had an orgasm?

Hand masturbation for a woman is very important for you getting to
know how your bodyworks in a sexual way.
NOTE: I say "hand" masturbation because that is more natural for stimulating
in a way that a human can accomplish.
Vibrating toys are great for quick and multiple orgasms but,
I'm sorry...no human can do anything at 2000 rpms...lol
Also OVER use of vibrating toys for some woman can make it
harder to climax with a lover.

The more you masturbate yourself to orgasm, the quicker you will learn
how to climax with a partner.
When you're having sex with your guy try masturbating your clitoris while your fucking.
That will almost always produce and orgasm if your guy can last long enough for
you to climax.

Some guys get freaked out by this because they are immature
and their fragile little egos can't handle the truth that
there penis alone isn't made of orgasm gold.
You don't want to be with a guy like that anyway because
they only care about themselves.
Real men want you to be satisfied any way that works...and masturbating
yourself during sex is one way that really works.
Another way is to have sex doggy style
(you on your hands and knees with the guy behind you)
and let your lover masturbate you.

Or, just get on top of him (that also works for most women).
When your on top you can lean a little forward while you're riding him and that will
stimulate the clitoris.

Also if your lover can't last long enough for you to have an orgasm
have him use his mouth on you.
But, you'll have to teach an inexperienced guy how to do it right
or, it will just be lame and more frustrating.
Oral is about consistency and clitoral stimulation at the right amount of pressure
(some women like it licked hard some like it very very softly)
That's why it's important for you to know your own body.
With a lover that wants you to be satisfied...you will work through it together
and end up having really good sex.
BUT, if you put too much pressure on yourself, you will never orgasm.
Sooooooooo, relax...you will get through this.
There are a million suggestions and a lot of sexual aid books out there.
This is your sexual body.
Enjoy the process of learning how it works.

lov4u
Boogie

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Viewer Writes:

I've been dating this guy for 2yrs now.
He was quite rude in the beginning and didn't really pay much attention.
He seemed to only have me around when it was convenient for him.
Then I got sick of it and broke up with him, three days passed and
he just couldn't live without me.
He said he realized how horribly he treated me and he was sorry and
that he promises to be better and wants to take care of me.
So I buy it and move back in.
Things are great; he is totally being sweet and seems interested in me.
Then all of a sudden, back to his old ways.
However worse. He is now calling me names, being emotionally abusive
in every way possible.
Making me feel like I'm the lowest piece of shit and I should be kissing his feet.
He'll ignore me and be rude to me with snide remarks.
I could be telling him a quick run down of my day
just to tell him because I want to share and he'll get so annoyed and pissed off at me.
So I get mad, take off for a few hrs to cool off and when I come home
he acts like everything is okay, perfect, just dandy!
And he'll kiss and love on me like he didn't just hurt my feelings.
I tell him all the time, he can't do that to me any longer
because it's tearing me apart inside.
What do I do? How else can I get through to him?
Why is he acting this way? HELP!
I'm so in love with him too so this makes it even harder for me to deal with!

Boogie Responds:

Do you really need me to tell you what you
already know?

If you like being treated like shit...you know where to go.
This is not love...you're co-dependant.
You're waiting for this asshole to validate you and
you're willing to let him treat you like shit to get it.

He knows how to play you.
What he's doing is the oldest Asshole guy game in the book.
: Treat your chick like shit...then kiss her ass when she's
gonna leave... He'll tell you a bunch of shit you want to hear
to shut you up and get you to fuck him.
Then he'll joke with his buddies about it.

THEN...he'll treat you like shit again...and again.etc etc.
Because you're blind enough to fall for it.

It's about control...he doesn't love you.
Anyone who treats someone like that is emotionally
incapable of love on any real level.
A true prince slays the dragon...not the princess.

But, just like most women...you're going to ignore logic and
hold out hope that he can change...because you're co-dependant.
The weeks will turn into months and you will keep lying to
yourself saying shit like "No...he really wants to change
this time, I can feel it...or, I can't just drop him now,
I've invested soooooo much into
this relationship...blah blah bullshit blah.

Why do asshole men play this game???
Because it fucking works...LOOK...You're living proof!
Wake up!...PLEASE!
Count your loss of time as a great learning experience and leave.
Then...never date someone who even starts to treat you like this.
That way your time in this shitty relationship will not be a loss.

Wisdom = Putting into practice what you have learned.
Wisdom is priceless.
Lov4u
Boogie

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Viewer Writes:

When I was younger (8-10 years old) I was sexually abused by my
Grandfather, I have never told anyone because he told me no one would
believe me and that he would hurt me and now that I am 27 years old
and married I still haven't told anyone because I feel dirty and confused.
I just recently found out that my older sister was also sexually abused by him
when she was younger (there is a 10 year age difference)and I want to talk
to someone about it but again I find it really hard to talk about.

I would like to talk to my sister about it but I think I should talk to my
husband about it first. Can you give me some advice on how I should tell him.
He loves me very much but I am worried that he might look at me differently once
he knows what my Grandfather did to me.

Boogie Responds:
If you were here...I would hug you.

You are a very special person. You don't have to hide this anymore.
You are not dirty and you are definitely not alone.
What happened to you when you were a little girl
was a sick, fucked up thing...but, it is in the past.

It only hurts you today because you have not yet learned how
to deal with it and let it go.
Reaching out to me and admitting what happened is a
wonderful first step...but, it is only the first step.

Please believe me that what Grandfather did
to you was NOT your fault.
You were a little girl and should have been allowed to
stay a little girl.
It is ok, to be confused... because you have never talked about it.
But, now you are ready to and I am very proud of for it.

If your relationship with your hubby is really good and loving then
it is very important that you have his support while you learn to recover
from this.
Also, as you deal with and work through all the new, strange emotions
that will come up...you will emotionally go through things that he will
not understand.
That's why it is important that he knows.

Will he look at you differently???...maybe.
Is that bad thing???...No, because you are now ready to become
a real woman instead of a locked up little girl.
If he's a REAL man he will love you and support you while
you go through this.
If he's a real husband he will go through the "Worse" to get to the
"Better".

The most important thing you can do TODAY is find a support group
Or therapist in your area that deals with adult survivors of
child abuse...and GO.
Surround yourself with people you can trust and start the adventure.
I call it an adventure because when you finally conquer
your demons...it's a hell of a rush!
I believe in you.
lov4u
Boogie

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Viewer Writes:
I am a self-cutter. I do this only when I'm really angry, depressed,
or even just sick of the things that life is throwing at me.
I can't seem to stop it; been doing it since i was 12 and I'm about to turn 18...
what can I do or, can I try anything to calm myself down when feeling like this
or even when i get the craving to cut?

Boogie Responds:
First, my sweet, I have to start off with what I'm about to say is my opinion
based of my experience as a long time self cutter.
I'm not claiming to have the answers for everything that hurts humans
but I can share things that have worked for me and others.
I'm not a doctor. I'm a stranger that is taking my time
to give a fuck about you, because I want you to be happy.
Being a small part of your recovery helps me get better
and keeps me from constantly focusing on myself.
I'm posting this on AskBoogie.com in hopes that it will help someone who
does not yet have the wonderful courage you had to reach out and seek help.
So here goes.
Before we can deal with the fact that Self Injury is not a good road to happiness
it would help if we understood why we cut.
So, first let's take a little evil power and myth away from self-cutting.

Most people think, anyone who intentionally cuts, scratches or,
hurts themselves must be extremely disturbed and suicidal.
So, that means that, boxers, martial artists, football players, wrestlers,
heavy weight lifters and tattoo/piercing enthusiasts are all insane and suicidal too???
Because every one of them intentionally goes into that activity
and experiences plenty of cuts, scratches, broken bones, pulled muscles,
extreme pain and sometimes even accidental death for the SAME GOAL that
a self cutter cuts themselves for...
To overcome and to win the game...Mind over body...Body over Mind.

Self cutting (in regards to stopping depression) is NOT suicidal and
it is NOT insane.
It is a primitive, temporary survival mechanism (and a very old one at that).
Cutting is (in the eyes of the self cutter) a way to have your body physically
and chemically take control back from your mind, when your mind
is in extreme anguish and emotional pain.

Self cutting (as well as many other abuses) is a pain trade off.
As someone who has battled with his brain for a long lifetime, I can tell you
honestly that extreme emotional pain hurts a lot more than the cut.
I call it " Self Abuse Logic". I'm not saying it's the right logic
but it IS a way of thought for many. Let's not deny this ok?

For the non-cutters reading this here's a scenario to help you understand better:

Have you ever been running around your house in the morning
with a million things on your mind?
Taxes, running late for work, school assignments not finished,
car problems etc etc., and then...without looking,
you stub your toe hard on the coffee table...BAM!!!

At that moment what is your only thought???...YOUR TOE!

All other agendas in your mind have taken a break so that your body
can address the immediate emergency...your painful injury.
A lot of stuff also releases chemically in your brain with an injury
forcing you to relax so your body can heal the injury.

Now then...armed with this knowledge of how your body and mind
prioritizes physical injury over emotional agendas, the Self Cutter
chooses to stop extreme mental anguish quickly with a cut, scratch,
wall punch or, head bang against the cupboard.

Its just another quick fix to help us try to beat life at it's own game.

Our slowly evolving, human minds are at constant battle
with the reality of nature.
We want total control over life, death and all our surroundings.
We can't understand WHY we are so fucking powerless over
our lives and the universe.

Humans have been taught for generations that we are superior
to all animals and that we can do anything we put our minds to.
So, it drives us crazy when we find we can't even control our minds.
Also humans are obsessed with thinking that just because
they see someone is blessed with a better life than us,
that somehow the world owes us the same better life.
Fairness is a myth...Just ask a Zebra who's being eaten by a pack of lions.

Drugs, alcohol, prescription medication, sports/exercise, money,
shopping, religion, meditation, sex, community service and cutting...
All fixes people use to get through life and gain control over our fears,
insecurities and minds.
Some are more positive and less physically destructive than others.

Now then, it's up to YOU to desire and seek out a better way to win the game.
To find tools that give you the ability to cope with episodes of extreme
depression/anguish without having to cut or, abuse.
Pre-emptive self-help is really important for you.

The idea is to not let the mental balloon over-inflate the point where
the pressure is so intense, you snap and do something extreme and temporary.

Developing a lifestyle and mind set that leads you towards positive
solutions for your temporary problems.
This means not sitting on our asses and waiting for a pill or magic fairy potion
that will take away all our problems...This means taking action
for your own life...daily.

Just to start, here are some tricks I use in my own life.

My first trick (which I learned from the animals)...Acceptance.
I accept that the world does not owe me shit.
I accept that if I'm here, it is nobody job to make me happy but, me.

Trick number 2... I desire to be as happy I can be but
don't expect to be happy always.

Trick number 3.... I realize that if I learn to like myself,
I'll do more positive things to deal with my sadness than cutting.

Trick number 4....Surround myself only with people (when possible)
that are positive and trying to be happy themselves.
Shitty people go out of their way to make sure that everyone around them
is feeling as shitty as they are.
Don't be shitty and don't hang out with shitty people.

Trick number 5...I realize that to the universe my problems
are very very small...none of my problems are going to stop the earth
from spinning so, why am I making them such a big deal...Lighten up dammit!
I could be living in Iraq, having bombs dropped on my house...
Where I live...no bombs.

Trick number 6...Be grateful for little things. When things seem bad
focus on them.

Trick number 7...Don't feel sorry for myself...It's a waste of time
and will never make me happy.

I could write tricks all day...I'm not always perfect at them everyday.
But, I sure abuse myself a hell of a lot less when I follow them.

Now my sweet...you go and learn new tricks...good tricks.
Life is waiting for you...life without the knife.

Lov4u
Boogie

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Viewer Writes:
How do i get my wife to give head longer with out offending her when i ask?

Boogie Responds:
Ok, a shallow guy question deserves an answer every now and again...lol

First make sure you tell her you love her a lot.

2. Go down on her for as long as it takes for her to orgasm and
while you're doing it ask her to tell you what she likes...then do it.
Not all vaginas are the same. She knows what she likes better than you
or, any other man could ever dream of knowing.
So, listen to her.
If she see's you're working hard to give her pleasure she will be more
likely to work harder for you.

3. When she goes down on you tell her you really like the way she does it
and then ask her to stay a little longer.
Some women are terrified of having you cum in their mouth so that's why
they avoid staying down there.
Can you blame them???...lol

Tell her you will let her know when you're close to that point
and then she can finish you off with her hand.
But, let me tell you... if you try to sneak a load in her mouth
she won't trust you anymore and BYE BYE blowjobs.

You gotta work with her if you love her and if you guys talk about it honestly
you'll get along much better.
The sex will get better too.
Just remember to keep everything positive.
good luck
Boogie


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Viewer Writes:
Viewer Writes: I am a 35-year-old woman with three little boys.
One is only 10 months old.
My ex-husband left me and the boys when I was 4 months pregnant with my third son.
We were married for 8 years.
He started drinking heavily a couple of months after I found out we were pregnant with our third baby.
He started having an affair with a 21 year old "person" that he works with. Needless to say, I divorced him.
As far as I know he is still with this bimbo.
Lately, I get the "looks" from him, he touches my arm, says he misses us and
just the other day hugged me so tight I couldn't breathe.
He speaks softer to me, actually civil which is a change. Am I reading him wrong or does
he still love me... or the idea of me and the boys? What should I do? Should I call him!
Should I just ignore it and go on with my life? Any advice?

Boogie Responds:
You my dear...have spawned an essay.
Hopefully it will give you some insight as to the ironic shitty-ness of humans in their poor attempts to evolve.
If it doesn't help then you can get your money back...lol

It sucks when we find out that the fairytale we thought we would live for the rest of our lives takes a turn back into the harsh reality of un-evolved human behavior.
It sucks even worse when our Prince/Princess turns back into a frog.

Since the age of Walt Disney we have been tricked into thinking that EVERYONE has the potential
to live happily ever after with his or her partner. I think the hint that we miss all too often is that they are called "Fairytales".
Why do we make up fairytales???
To make up for what is missing in reality.
The reality is... man has not completely evolved from his instincts to fuck everything
that walks with a pussy. No matter how badly you want it to NOT be that way...It IS that way.
That is the chemical/biological and instinctive nature of the male species since the beginning
of the male species.
Men and women with high testosterone have a tendency to hunt even if they have everything they need at home.
Our species are hunters and gatherers.
Your X husband in the wild would be a hunter.

In the last 40 years as our culture leaves oppressive religious rules and
social stigmas about divorce (which is not all together a bad thing) we find
that the reality of lifelong monogamous relationships becoming more and more stressed.
50% divorce rate in America lends credibility to that idea.
Some men are more like gatherers and can actually
stay in a monogamous relationship and not be miserable.
However most women find these men boring as hell. (Kind of ironic...don't you think?)
Which is why women are instinctively attracted to hunters/assholes.
In the caveman days women wanted a mate that would protect them from
the elements of wild, so they could focus on raising the young and increase the species.
For 10's of thousands of years this is the way it has been in our species of animal.
Men, who's instincts are to hunt, will eventually start to become very insecure
and depressed because there is nothing to hunt.
Especially as they get older and start to feel less like a hunter and more like a gatherer.
Their masculinity is challenged every day by the fact that
monogamy is a moral choice instead of a physical necessity.
In the caveman days if you wanted something...you took it...unless of coarse
there was a stronger man (or woman) to beat you out of it.
When another female strikes the hunter as attractive in anyway,
he will start to feel his hunting/conquering instincts swell...not to mention his dick and hormones
. They will become so desperate to hunt that they will throw away everything good and stable
in their lives to hunt an ugly fat chick even if the mate they have is very horny and attractive.
Instincts, hormones and emotions have almost always kicked logics ass.
Of coarse after the hunt for the new mate is over his brain
will think more logically and then he'll be depressed about throwing away
the thing that was better.
That is of coarse... if he gets caught.
In the case that the new mate is more fulfilling to him than the old one,
he will not come back and try to kiss the ass of the old one to get her back.
But, once again even if he's kissing the old mates ass he's hunting again
which is now new and exciting all over again even though it's with the same woman.

If the old mate takes him back then it will only be a matter of time
before he will need to hunt again.
Then he will go back out and cheat.
But this time he will be better at hiding the truth from you
because that is part of the hunt too.
Cheating to a hunter is not just about sex it is about hunting and getting away with it.
It's about winning and the rush of feeling like you conquered something.

Most men are NOT gatherers but try or pretend to be in order to get the woman.

I honestly believe that a lot of hunters would like to think they are gatherers.
and maybe at the wedding alter might have convinced themselves
that they can do it for the rest of their lives but as time goes on the truth
of their nature becomes very hard to ignore.

We are still VERY barbaric with our wars, territorial pissings, crimes and greed.
It's sad but we should not be surprised that it will take a long time
to breed all of the animal out of men and women.
We have been animal for tens of thousands of years.
Don't be fooled we're still animals now...we just have cell phones
and psychiatrist prescribed medicine to make us "feel" civilized.
If the man is used to cheating/hunting it is VERY unlikely that he will ever be happy
turning into a monogamous gatherer.
At least not until he is much older and can accept that he will no longer win all the pussy.
I could now write another 50 pages on the nature of women instincts
but I won't do it now. I've bored you enough.
But to the asker of the question "Should I call him or go on with my life???"
I guess it's all depends on what you want.
If you want a hunter...you can have him back but, know
that he very well may cheat again and you will either accept it or be hurt by it.
If you want a gatherer?...he ain't it.

lov4u
Boogie



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Viewer Writes:
Why do I want to see my wife have sex with another man ?
we have someone picked out and he has a bigger cock than me! his is at least 8" plus, i'm only 5 1/2"
i can make her cum and all is good in bed.
but i just want her to try with some one who is bigger than me
WHY do i feel this?? can you help?

Boogie Responds:
Millions of questions..
None of them are meant for you to take personally...remember I've never met you.
This topic of a man wanting to see his wife have sex with another man is not un-common. It's a lot more common for a husband to want his wife to be with another woman but know that your not alone. Before you go and do something that could swiftly end your marriage, you should ask yourself a lot of questions first.
Is this about you wanting to make your wife happy or your obsession with the size of your dick? Being obsessed with the size of your dick is something almost every man has gone through at some point in his life (myself included). It's the same as women's obsession with their breasts. Obsession with the physical is almost always an indication that we are not happy with who we are as a person on the inside. So, we blame the person we are on the outside. We compensate with all sorts of things (fast cars, big trucks, clothes, jewelry, surgeries etc.)
More questions:
You need to ask yourself "Why do want an actual man to fuck my wife with a big tool instead of just getting a big toy and using it on her?" Is this about you not only wanting to see your wife have a big ween or do you feel guilty about sex you want or have had outside of your marriage?
Is something lacking in your relationship with your wife that is making you want to do something extreme to fix it?.
...and of coarse my biggest question... "What the hell does your wife think about this?" Is she really into the idea or is she just following along with your obsession? Is this something that you both have talked through and feel will give you a better relationship? For some people who are more liberal and secure with their marriage, it can work and be fun. But for most it turns out disastrous.
What if you can't look at your wife the same after seeing her with another man? What if she can't look at you the same or respect you, knowing that you made her do something she really didn't want to do? What will your do if your wife decides she likes fucking the new guy and wants to keep fucking him instead of you?
ALL of these questions must be dealt with first.
My gut feeling is that you have some confidence issues that have nothing to do with your dick. Deal with that first and see if you still feel the same way about having your wife fuck the big dude.
Having a fantasy about your wife doing other guys, girls, toys, space aliens, etc etc... is fine. But that's why we have pornstars...to live out those fantasies on film where it's safe. When you try to make that fantasy a reality there can be real problems. Be careful and good luck
Boogie



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Viewer Writes:
I have been knowing this boy for about two years and we have been really good friends.
He has approached me to having sex with him.
At first I said no, but now I'm like yes.
I just don't wanna get a disease or anything like that.
I know there are condoms but they don't always work.
What should I do please help me out.

Boogie Responds:
Your question was very good and I'm happy that asked it.
So, you're now interested in moving the relationship with your friend to a sexual level.
That can be wonderful and scary at the same time.
If you're worried about diseases and feel that condoms are not safe enough to make you comfortable...
Then I would suggest that both of you go and get STD (sexually transmitted disease)
tested at a medical clinic before you have sex.
If you're friend really cares about you then he cares about your concerns and would want you to feel good about having sex with him. It's a very mature approach in a culture that does have a very real STD problem.
If your friend has a problem with getting tested then I would take that as a sign that he either is hiding something from you about his medical history or, he doesn't care about your feelings.
So if he won't get tested or tries to bullshit his way around it...don't have sex with him.
If he is open to it then you should go together just so both of you know you actually went.
I dated a adult film actress once that demanded I get tested for STD and HIV before we had sex without a condom (I had a vasectomy so pregnancy was not an issue) She was a volunteer blood taker at the clinic that tested for STD and HIV so she actually stuck the needle in my arm and took my blood.
Needless to say it was actually a turn on to get tested because I new what the reward
was going to be after the results came back negative. It's all how you look at it.

lov4u
Boogie
P.S the sex with the porn star was pretty damn romantic and hot...:)

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Viewer Writes:
My girlfriend been abused as a child sexually. There are some things i dont understand that she does to me. Recently she had a student that she feels has been done the same too. That night after telling me what had happend to the boy she broke up with me after being together all day, and saying she is unhappy and falling out of love. Could the experience of seeing another child possibly molested make her hate me?
She has only told 2 people of it and I think she has suppressed feelings. I want to help and love her but not be hated by her.

Boogie Responds:
Dude....I feel your pain straight up!...I have been through the exact situation on more than one occasion and it is brutal. You are dealing with someone who is completely at the mercy of her ugly past.
It is sad and frustrating to try to love someone who has never really dealt with their scars. Until she gets help for herself in dealing with her abuse and how it is still affecting her present life...You two will never stand a chance at having a normal relationship. I'm sorry...I know you love her. But, you have to understand...She really isn't capable of a serious loving relationship while she is still being tortured by her demons.
You really can't blame yourself for her dumping you. (unless you we're an ass and just not telling me) She is fragile and lost in her pain.
This boy student of hers...your damn right that was her trigger...Can you blame her??? If she has hardly told anybody about her abuse that means it's been bottled up inside her for all these years and obviously NEVER dealt with.
The fact that you had a great day and then she dumped you at the end (which I've experienced myself) just shows how unbalanced she is emotionally. This does not make her a bad person...It just means she needs help undoing all the knots inside her that keep her from a healthy relationship. Not to mention all the other areas of her life that are secretly affected by this as well.
Now then my friend...This is the part you have been waiting for... "How does this affect ME???" Which is the main question of your letter. Well...What I'm about to say...I have said before... I (Boogie) am well aware that there is a 90% chance that you will not like and completely blow off what I'm about to say but, I will say it anyway because in my experience it is the truth and the most consist ant with reality.
The first thing she needs is to fix herself and her issues.
Your relationship with her is not the priority...HER recovery is HER priority.
You are not included in HER recovery until SHE recovers.
When she recovers...she may not come back to YOU.
If you REALLY loved her like you said you do you will understand this problem is bigger than you and out of your control.
She has to want to get better. This of coarse is all based on the slim chance that she decides to get help. Most ignore their pain and just go through their lives hiding it. Until a trigger sets them off and then they lose it for a while, dump their current relationship and then settle back down into the denial of it all. That is what makes me the saddest. But, if she doesnt' want to get help...I'm sorry. If you stay (or, rather if she takes you back)...You can expect a very fragile shallow relationship that will never go to any level of intimate substance.
I personally refuse to be involved with that kind of un-resolved drama.
If she does want to see you again...I would take a stand at the fact that if she does not make an attempt to deal with her emotional/mental problems you will not be there to receive the punishment for her NOT dealing with it.
Wow, you really brought back some ugly memories for me...I feel bad for you right now. Acceptance is the key here...even if it hurts.
Good luck to you.
Boogie

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Viewer Writes:
I'm married but have been in an emotional abuse relationship for 20 years.
Both my husband and myself are 40 years old. I have two sons, I also have a baby grandson.
The baby and his mom also live with us. I have not been in love with my husband for many years now.
I only remain in this relationship because of the kids.
I am very scared of him and what he might do to me if I leave him.
Although he is a good provider to me and the kids, he verbally and emotionally abuses me.
I cry all the time and I'm very depressed all the time, but no one knows.
About a year ago I met someone on the chat line, and although I fear my husband very much, I started sleeping with this person. It has been a year, and we love each other very much.
He tells me all the beautiful things a man should tell a woman!
I could never leave my children or my baby grandson for no man, but I just wish
I had the damn guts to tell my husband I can't stand him, that I don't love him and haven't for many years. This new man would never tell me to leave, in fact he tells me to do what my heart desires.
I haven't seen him in about a month, I told him I don't think it's fair to him at all. He'sa good man, he deserves better. My question is , what do I do??? I'm terrified of him and I don't want the kids to get hurt! I'm depressed most of the time and always put up a front in front of family and friends. Absolutely no one knows what I'm going through.
Please help me!
Thank You!!!

Boogie Responds:
First off before I give you any advice (good or, bad) is it ok to e mail you here??? I will not be specific about what you e mailed me about until I know it's ok to talk openly...
But, I will say you deserve the best life can offer....YOU!!!....Not anyone else....If you are able to be happy....your children will see that and it will bless them....Children are not as stupid as we think...they know when we are hiding pain...and even if they don't know what it is they know your smiles are not real.
I think you deserve to smile from the inside...YOUR LIFE SHOULD NOT BE A PRISON SENTENCE.
You do not owe it to the earth to suffer.
We live in a place that we have an opportunity to be happy...there are so many places in the world where there is misery and nobody can do anything about it....YOU CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!! To stay un-happy when YOU DO HAVE THE CHOICE to make yourself happy is a slap in the face to the people in the world that suffer for real...not to mention it cheats your children...Because they will never learn real happiness from you because you are not really happy...
But, most important it cheats YOU.
Don't pass up happieness....EVER. You have wings... learn to fly.
Make a plan and be brave enough to stick to it...I believe in you.
Lov4u
Boogie

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Viewer Writes:
I think I have fallen in love with my best friend. What can I do about that because I love him very much and at the same time I don't want to lose his friendship. And I feel like he is the one.

Boogie Responds:
An oldie but, a goodie..
The question is do I risk the friendship for the adventure of love....
Well...shit....I guess it's all about how you wanna look at it.
Because no matter what you want to tell yourself, if you have that strong of feelings for your friend the dynamic of the relationship has already changed and seldom returns quickly to normal...if ever.
In my opinion (for what it's worth) you have a lot of questions to ask yourself first.
Do you suspect that he has similar feelings for you???
If not...then you have to ask yourself if you can stand by and not have it affect you when he falls for someone else.
Can you be supportive of his relationship with someone else and not turn bitter and cynical about it??? (that's the one ruins it for most in this situation)
Could you not point out his new mates every flaw to him because you secretly want him to dump the new mate and be with you...AND ONLY YOU???
If you can honestly do that then perhaps you can still be friends and keep your secret crush as a fantasy in the background.
You will have to remove the title "HE IS THE ONE" from him in your mind because if you really believe that, you will convince yourself that you are sad and incomplete without his love...
I believe that there are many people on this planet that one can have a good long term relationship with (if they are willing to work at it).
By convincing yourself that the person you have feelings for right now is the only person in the universe that the gods/goddesses made specifically for you, is not only an arrogant fairy tale but, also puts more pressure on you to force magic where it may not work.
And people do this constantly..(yes...even me in the past...more than once)
My vote would be...to maybe have a light discussion about it with him.
Tell him you think you might have a little crush on him and see what his reaction is.
Don't tell him your madly in love with him...keep it light so you don't floor the guy.
If he pats you on the head and say's "That's sweet" or calls you a goofball he's probably not interested in a relationship.
If he shows interest or, sticks his tongue in your mouth...I personally would pursue it.
Because I can always make new friends if it doesn't work out...you may be different from me though.
Good luck
Boogie


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Viewer Writes:
When i was seven and my cousin was nine or ten, he started to force me into doing sexual things which i didn't understand. It was really frightening For me, and this carried on until around the age of 12. Although he was only young at the time it seemed like he new what he was doing. Every time i went to my nans and he was there it would happen. I'm now 15 and I’ve only ever told a few friends. I pretend it doesn't bother me, but deep down it does and i still cry about it all the time. would you class this as rape. What should i do.

Boogie Responds:
This one took me a while to get to because it brought me back to a place that I hadn't emotionally visited in a while. Your situation is almost identical to mine when I was 7 years old but, it was not my cousin, it was my 10-year-old best friend that lived down the street from me.
The sexual things we did lasted a year, until I moved. I thought I was the only one who had gone through such things and I was tortured by it as a kid. It was the single biggest issue of my youth and the cause of incredible pain and confusion. I would hide in my room crying hysterically for hours because some kid on the schoolyard would call me a fag . (Like kids do)
The first thing I want to tell you is that you are not alone in this. I also want you to know that you're feelings are normal for what you went through and with a little work (please trust me on this one) you will get better. I won't spend too much time on your cousin because I'm not talking to him(or,her)
Was it rape??? If you were forced to do something sexually against your will by use of physical force or, fear (threatening of physical violence or, the threat of violence to a loved one or, pet ) then technically yes that is rape. Even though your cousin was young. When you are manipulated into a sexual activity by someone older than you but, you don't feel forced to do it or, scared that is more a molestation. For example: Say you're cousin was someone you really looked up to and admired. As a kid you would do anything to please them. You don't understand that what your doing is even sexual. All you know is that your getting attention from the person you look up to. What you were doing might have even been fun to you because that person was only doing it with you.
However if it is just two kids exploring they're bodies together and experimenting that is very common and part of you're natural sexual development. It is not bad and you should not feel guilt or, pain over something like that.
If this is causing you the type of pain that you are going through then you need to work out what you're feeling. You're at the stage right now where you don't even know what you are supposed to feel. This is the ugly stage and the sooner you start to work on identifying what you feel the sooner you will get past the confusion.
I'm very proud of you for starting to talk about this with friends and with me. The more you talk about this situation the less power it has to hurt you. When you keep painful secrets, you have to spend all your energy keeping it inside so no one will know your secret. It’s like a balloon. Let the air out no more pressure.
The best suggestion I could make would be to find someone who has experience in what you are going through and has recovered themselves (support group/counselor) This is not a quick fix issue but, know that you are well on your way to fixing it.
After you start to grasp what you are feeling you will then start to see how it has been affecting other areas of your life. If I could see your face the one thing I would tell you is that "It's all going to work out."
lov4u
Boogie


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Viewer Writes:
Here is my deal, my boyfriend works all the time and/or is out of town ( lighting designer for rock shows etc...).
When he isn't working he would rather spend time alone than with me. Recently he told me that he has so much work for the next three months that when he is home he will mostly be sleeping. I know you are saying well maybe he just doesn't want a girlfriend, but I have confronted him on that one and he still says he wants me in his life and he loves me.
But money, work, the tv, computer and his cat always seem to come before me. He says he wants to marry me, but I see how lonely I am now and I can't imagine what my life would be like with a man who is never home and when he is home he is in his office working or watching NASCAR. I love him, but sometimes I wonder if its worth it, lately I have been thinking "What's the point?"
I don't feel like he gives a damn about me!!! Should I cut the apron strings or hang on and try to talk to him about the way I am feeling? Oh and when I do try to talk to him he never has anything to say but "I don't know" that is so frustrating.. HELP ME.

Boogie Responds:
Well...if you'd like me to blow smoke up your ass and lie... I could say something like..."Oh, it'll get better once your married." or, "Once your married to him he'll actually start treating you as a priority in his life." But, guess what??? that's a crock of shit... If he spends that little time with you when he's not on the road then I am sorry but, your are most likely nothing more than a convenient trophy to him.
Actions speak louder than words...If he treats you like you¹re not a priority in his life then that means you are not a priority in his life. He says he loves you and wants to marry you... Whooopty fuckin' dooo!!! You seem to be more of a hobby to him than a life partner ( like his computers and his NASCAR shit...). It doesn't mean he's a bad person. He could be a really cool guy to hang out with. But, a caring, nurturing, attentive, loving life partner???? Sorry, if this is how it's always been it's time you open your eyes. If you marry him it will most likely get worse...
Usually relationships start off magical and then lose a little steam as time goes on. Rarely ( I have never seen it) does a relationship start out weak and then after your married turn magical.
If you were a low maintenance woman who was not seeking much attention from a mate but, just wanted an occasional fuck and somebody to share the bills with...this guy is perfect...
You sound like you're seeking more.
You don't sound like a touring wife at all.
If he treated you as a priority when he was off the road then I would have a much more optimistic opinion about your relationship.
It still would take a very hard toll on you to sit at home and wait for him but, it is possible to deal with. If there's a reason to wait for him!!!! A touring or, military wife is the type of person that can be very independent without their husband around for long periods of time. Someone who can almost ignore for weeks or, months that they even have a husband because they have their own career, children, art or hobbies that can sufficiently occupy their time while he's away.
My honest opinion (for what it's worth) based on not thoroughly knowing you or, this guy.
If you marry him you're a fucking idiot.
Lov4u
Boogie


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Viewer Writes:
I am addicted to sex...I feel that sex is the only way I can really connect with a man...if I give men what they want...why don't they want me???

Boogie Responds:
First rule of thumb: Men want sex...
Second rule of thumb: Other than sex most men have no fucking idea what they want...lol
Maybe you only feel a connection with men during sex because that's the only way you've presented yourself to men. There is nothing wrong with being sexually open, flirtatious and easy (Goddess bless you) but, when that is your first impression on a man his thought process goes straight to "Penis Mode" and all he looks at you as is a piece of ass.
Now then if your just trying to get laid that works great. Women always have an easier time getting laid then men. However, if your looking for a deeper level of acceptance and connection from a man, (which it seems you are) You have to back off of the instant sex drive and try having non sex conversations when your pursuing someone new...play a little harder to get ( I can't fucking believe I''m saying this....lol). If you have been used to being sexually aggressive this will be uncomfortable at first for you because the results will take much longer than just getting laid.
Remember your trying to go deeper with a man and there are far fewer men than you think that are capable of any form of intimacy beyond their cocks. That's why a lot of women turn gay..:)
My suggestion is keep a couple boy toys that you can just fuck and not care about To meet your sex needs.
But, for the men that you meet that you think you would like something more from... back off of the sex talk and show them your other talents and interests as a human. Let them become attracted to the things you two have in common mentally before You offer to sleep with him.
But, hey.... what the fuck do I know.... I have a dick...:)
Lov4u
Boogie


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Viewer Writes:
Question: If a young girl was molested, could it have a negative affect on her inability to orgasm as an adult? If so, do you have any recommendations other than spilling your guts out to some stranger for150.00/hr?

Boogie Responds:
Well,...this is a question that I have been asked more than once...and though it is a sad question, it is a real question.
So, I will do my best to give a real answer.
Of course, it can have an affect on your ability to orgasm.
If you have never dealt emotionally with your abuse then you are most likely blocking feelings to protect yourself from that pain. As problems go unresolved for many years you no longer think or, feel you have the pain from that issue but, the emotional roadblocks are still up. I'm not saying your a ticking time bomb.
You may have a very productive and healthy life.
But, the issue is opening those road blocks because they are clogging up other areas of your emotional flow. Sexuality is all about flow.
An orgasm (for women especially) is a very powerful and vulnerable experience especially with a male partner...
There are big trust issues involved in letting someone see you that vulnerable.
When someone is molested as a child, the victimizer (usually an adult male) has forced the child into being vulnerable either physically or psychologically. As the victim gets older and more aware that they were forced to be vulnerable as well as the pain associated with that experience, instinctively they will create blocks to avoid being hurt again. Block = "If I don't allow my self to be vulnerable again I will not feel"
Yes, you may avoid pain but, you will always have great difficulty achieving good and regular orgasms. Not to mention other potential achievements in your life that require you to risk vulnerability (new career, relationships, education, adventure etc.) My first advice (as almost always) is either a victims group for adult survivors of abuse or, a related book. This is not a quick fix issue. They don't have the orgasm pill yet.
I also think if your honest with yourself that the orgasm is not the only thing affected by that block. There are a lot web sites that can give you advice and perhaps direct you to somewhere in your area that has a group or, literature (and no they don't cost 150 bucks an hour)... Even a online group/chat would be better than doing nothing.
Are you worth the effort???...I think you are.
Finding people who have had similar experiences as you, is priceless to your mental, spiritual and sexual health. The more you open up with people, the easier it will be to open up with a lover.
I would also advise more regular masturbation to help you get more in touch with your own body.
Learn to be vulnerable with yourself...and send me a PIC of it cause it turns me the fuck on...(just kidding) All advice is just opinions ( some good, some not)...but,the more opinions you have the more choices you have. Just opening up to me is a great step in being vulnerable..
I'm honored by that...thank you.
Love4u Boogie

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Viewer Writes:
If things are going good in my life, why am I still so depressed?

Boogie Responds:
Even when it looks like things are in a great upward positive motion...
Depression should not be surprising..
Because even great things on the horizon mean CHANGE...and change carries with it...uncertainty...and expectations and the possibility of being let down as well as a re-positioning of your thoughts and emotions to adapt to that change...
Change means letting go of things your comfortable with (even if it's misery)
Why do people stay in shitty relationships or, jobs so long???
Fear of change. At least that's what I think.
I've noticed that most humans are very nesting oriented creatures...
Most people love to just go with the flow...
Notice how we keep voting the same idiots into office...
Fear of Change...
Cuz sometimes you have to make mistakes on the way to your desired effect.
I love change...my body doesn't...
I love to grow...my spirit yearns for simpler things...
This is my conflict...
I think I'm just writing this to myself...
Thanks for letting me vent...
big kissy
Boogie
PS...Take some damn vitamins your chemistry could be off balance too

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Viewer Writes:
Today is my daughters birthday...she's 2....I had to give her up at birth because I was deemed unfit which may be true but it was still a kick in the ass

Boogie Responds:
I was adopted...I've never met my biological parents... Boogie Pop is my adopted father...It is the greatest mystery in my life other than my origin in space...
From what I was told my mother was 16 and my father was17...it was the late 60's and abortion wasn't legal yet...(fucking religious bastards...lol)
So, here I am...i love the fact that I don't know...it's an adventure...don't be sad.
When she wants to know who you are she will seek you out...and if not..you will always know that you gave her life.
She belongs to the earth and even if you were raising her she would still belong to the earth...Her life is up to her and if you can influence her that's great but,she will become her own person whether you are a part of her immediate life or,not.
So, live your life and work on making YOU a better creature.
Don't let a bunch ofreligious idiots and talk show housewives tell you your a bad person for not having your daughter with you.
You gave her life and that is a pretty fucking big deal....don't ever short yourself for that or, I'll have to whap my cock on your face.....twice.

Today is a day for you to celebrate, not to fucking mope...There is a little girl out there that has a chance to dance on this pretty ocean filled planet because of YOU.
and your bummed about this?????...No more silliness...the lord BoogerGod commands you to let go of it and be happy and masturbate...twice...lol.

love4u
Boogie

ps I had a vasectomy because I know it would be better forme not to breed....
So, my children are my worshippers and I love them as much as I can....until they piss me off then I spank them.....lol



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Viewer Writes:
I'm about to get my divorce finalized, just how long should I sit here ruminating before I go out "hunting" again?

Boogie Responds:
Congratulations on your new found freedom!!!
If you are only thinking about having sex I would suggest getting laid as soon as humanly possible...Recently divorced sex is fucking awesome. It is free and liberating and a great way to finalize the ending of a relationship that didn't work out..(yes,..I've been divorced)
Now then....
If you are thinking about going "WifeHunting"...then I have much different advice....
You were just in a marriage that didn't work right???
If we are honest with ourselves most of us who are divorced will have to admit that we were part of the problem in the marriage. Before you rush into another relationship maybe you should focus on you for a while first. That way you won't just repeat the same mistakes you made in the last marriage.
Divorce is a great time for self discovery.
Your free.
Re-invent yourself.
Take a class, pick up a new hobby. Learn how to be by yourself for a while.
I would always suggest checking out a support group for recently divorced people if they have one in your area or, at least finding a self help book on the topic. Never too old to improve yourself. The better you become as a person, the better person you will attract when you are ready to try your luck at love again.
Stay cool.
Boogie

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Viewer Writes:
What would you do if u was a girl who only made it day by day and got pregnant?

Boogie Responds:
Well seeing as I'm a woman, I have the choice over my own body, mind and spirit...right???
If I really believed in my heart that I was not capable of taking care of and raising a human being, I would understand that the universe is better equipped to take care of or, re-send the baby to a better suited mommy...and have an abortion... I would not feel the least bit of sadness because I am not bigger than the universe....
I would accept and be excited to know that if the baby was meant to be born there would be nothing I could do about it anyway...
If it wasn't meant to be born, I am only following what the universe would have made happen naturally with or, without my choice to abort.
But, that's just my opinion as a woman...:)
I am not a woman...I am a cartoon. There are things and variables (not to mention insticts and hormones) that I cannot understand as a male.
Every real woman must make their own decisions about there own bodies and their own futures...
I would strongly suggest seeking council from real women on this topic if there is any seriousness to this question...
Planned Parent hood or, Family Planning something along those lines but, definitely a group or, individual that will not judge you for your decision either way...
love4u
Boogie

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Viewer Writes:
You are a man so tell me, after being married only 4 months what in the world would a man want to beat his meat for when he has a naked woman right beside him ready and willing?

Boogie Responds:
This is a question that has many more angles than most...
Without knowing you and your husbands history (pre marriage) it¹s very hard to pin point what is making him avoid you sexually now.
Before we jump straight to the conclusion that he's cheating or, un-attracted to you here are some basic questions I would ask first:
What's going on in his life?
Have you two been talking the way you did when you fell inlove???
Is he under stress at work or, about finances
(did you guys go in debt over the wedding or move into a bigger place?)
Are there looming tragedies in life? (sickness in his family, death or, fights with close relatives...etc )
Men often try to muscle their way emotionally through these types of conflicts. In doing this they become less willing to let their guard down until they feel the situation is under control.
Making love to your wife is much more emotionally demanding than jerking off.
He still has sexual needs but, he may be unwilling to risk sensitive feelings that would weaken him.
I know it's stupid as hell...but, what do want...we're men....Not the brightest light bulbs on the Christmas tree ya know...lol
The main thing I would suggest... ( even though I love being asked to share my never ending opinions)....
This is a question you need to communicate to your husband!!!
Let him know that you understand that he might have issues that he's dealing with but, that it's making you feel shitty and unwanted.
You have just started a potentially long journey with this man and you need to establish good communication from the start.
Otherwise little things like this can turn into big things...
Love4u
Boogie
PS...Try giving him a Blow Job when he's asleep see if that sparks him up...lol

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Viewer Writes:
DearBoogie,
I have a very, very serious question for you...Ok, youre a guy and youve met this chick,
and you guys click, and there is chemistry, and stuff happens, but youre a busy guy.
Now, the chick doesnt want to like...stalk you or seem obsessive, but she REALLY digs ya.
Should she say hey, I think we should see each other on a regular basis,
or just wait until you (the guy) says something?

Boogie Responds:
Is life long enough to beat around the bush?
Not when there are a lot of bushes to be beat:)
I personally hate the bullshit game of waiting for someone to come forward and tell you what you want to knowIf you want to have your question answered...try asking the question!!!
I know this seems strange but, Ive noticed it is quicker than waiting for someone read your mindMen (on a whole) are not very psychic and Ive noticed that this seems to be the assumption of a lot of women Take responsibility for your own needs of validationthey are your needs right???
The only downfall to asking that question is not getting the answer you want.
But, the bright side isyoull have the answer(unless the guys just lying to you to get a piece of ass because hes afraid if he tells you that, that you wont want to sleep with him again)
Dont waste timelifes too shortand if he thinks your too aggressive for stating your intentionsthen hes just a little bitch anywaygo find another bush to beat

Lov4u
Boogie

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Viewer Writes:
I am nothing special and I will never have anyone.

Boogie Responds:
I have to risk you hating me to say this...
This is one thing I have learned...
"Most people are not attracted to people that are not attracted to themselves"
When you care about yourself and you love yourself people will gravitate towards that...
Ask yourself this:
Why the hell would anyone want to love somebody who has a pitiful view of themselves... why would they bring themselves down like that???
What is the advantage?
You will only atract pitiful people...losers...and nothing more....
Learn to love yourself first.
Change whatever you have to in your life to make yourselfknow that you are special to the planet and worth being loved...
Love is not free...the love of another person is somethingthat needs to be inspired daily....
Who's going to be inspired by somebody who has such a shittyview of themselves?
....not me...and not most.
Love starts first with attraction ( not just physical) Idon't know of many relationships that don't .... I know a lot ofwoman who physically are not very attractive or, are very overweight and yethave no trouble getting dates because they have beautiful, strong personalitiesand they present themselves as attractive.
Does it help if you are physically fit and pretty???...ifyour trying to get a man...yes...sorry...but, it is the truth, most men'sattraction to a woman starts with their eyes and their dicks.
However most of us are not fit and pretty nor will we everbe.( I personally have battled with weight problems and eating disorders mywhole life)
So, it is even moreimportant for us to have beauty on the inside...
In the end if no one loves me it doesn't matter...I only goto the grave by myself anyway.
But, If I learn to love myself today, my path to the grave will be much happier and perhaps I will have somebody walk with me along theway.
love4u
Boogie

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Note: All opinions I give are just that..my opinion.If you don't like my opinion...tough poopy...it's my opinion...This column is for entertainment purposes only. If you truly have a mental disorder or severe emotional problems Count Boogie strongly suggests you seek professional psychological or medical help...Love4u