Latest Q&A: ...Scroll down this page for more answers...
Viewer Writes:
How much of an age difference (Between an older woman and a younger man) is workable?
Also I am wondering..I had breast cancer tissue removed almost 7 years ago.
I have a small scar above my right nipple.
The last two men I was involved with both said they noticed nothing unusual about my breasts
when I disclosed to them that I was a previous cancer patient.
Should I even bring it up next time I am involved with a man???
In my opinion, my right breast is significantly smaller than my left....but those
last two boyfriends swore they couldn't tell anything. They SWORE!
Do you think they were lying to me?
Boogie Responds:
From Harold to Maude is workable if children are not involved.
I've been with women 20 years older and 18 years younger...love is love...cease the day!!!
Don't be hung up on age...just follow happiness.
Fuck everyone else's insecurities and bullshit morals.
Be with who makes you happy...even if it only lasts a short while...tomorrow doesn't exist.
So, don't be hung up on forever.
We so often wind up shitting on today becuase we're so worried about
the future...that is silly and a waste of a possible good today.
Don't worry about your breasts...telling the cancer surviving story is good
because it shows you've gone through trials
and come out on top...I think that's a positive characteristic.
But, it's not like you have to tell someone on the first date
like you have an STD or, something.
but, don't worry about your breasts...all womens breasts that are
natural are different shapes and sizes...just like a man always
has one ball that hangs lower than the other...mines the lefty...who cares...is the lovin' good???
are you connected to your mate on a physical and mental level????........ that's all that matters.
None of us are perfect so, once again...don't sabotage
a good moment today by putting bullshit in your head.
You only have one life...enjoy each moment with passion.
love4u
Boogie
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Viewer Writes:
I was sexually abused as a child. And I fell into a bad situation with a guy
that brainwashed me when i was 19.
So I've had some pretty fucked up situations concerning sex in my development years.
I have a boyfriend of whom I've been with for 3 years.
I love him very much, but our sex life is kind of suffering.
I have no drive, and when i do feel like it,
it's painful,
like i can't allow my body to relax and enjoy it.
I know it's getting frustrating for him, and i don't want him to think that this is his fault.
Is there something wrong with me?
Are there any suggestions you have?
Boogie Responds:
Of coarse...there are LOTS of things you can do.
First thing to realize is that these issues your are having are temporary.
Now then...you are in control of how temporary they are.
But, I think that's the exciting part...YOU ARE IN CONTROL...you can take the power away from your past.
This will need some work...but, totally do-able...:)
Everything in our body thats not physical is mental (which feeds off of and controls the physical)
...and mental is all about programming.
When your mental is affecting your physical...all you have to do is re-program.
That means you have to go to the source and redirect where that pain or, your issues is flowing to.
Right now your issues of your past abuses are flowing to your sexuality...which is very common.
The type of abuse you had, fucks with your ability to trust people...
Great sex and intamacy is ALL about trust.
So, of coarse you are going to have troubles opening up sexually.
Don't worry...you are not a freak or, a bad person for this.
Once you take on those issues...you can take away their power to hurt you or, control your behavior.
Then you can start learning how to trust a little more.
# 1 way I've found...is talking about it.
But, it's important to talk to people that can understand what you've been through.
Opening up to people that don't understand will give you a lot of unhealthy advice that can end up making the issue worse.
This is why group or, private counseling is the best.
Maybe an adult survivors of abuse group or, counselor that specializes in abuse.
Don't go to a Psychiatrist cause 19 outa 20 times, they'll just give you drugs
and turn you into a zombie that won't want sex anyway. (did I mention I'm not a big fan of Psychiatrists...lol)
The more you talk about something in a solution based tone...the more power you take away from it.
Here...I'll give you an example.
" I Boogie...had a dick up my ass when I was 7 (many times)...it devistated my whole youth and most of my teenage years.
..but, I'm free to be happy today...and it has NO power in my life...I am free to love...I'm free to enjoy intamacy with women I'm attracted to.
That is something from my past and I WILL NOT give it power in my today."
Now then...to most...all they hear when I say that is that " I had a dick up my ass when I was 7."
All " I " focus on is the fact that it no longer has power in my life...and I'm free to be happy.
I've spoken those words so many times out loud on the radio, in groups, on stage as a motivational speaker...to you etc etc...that the memory has no power to hurt me anymore.
I have re-directed that pain to give me power.
I OWN MY PAST...it does not own me.
I take great pride in the fact that I have overcome my demons in that issue and because of it, my sex/life/intamacy is actually BETTER.
So now, I have so much power, that I can confidently share some of my power with YOU.
I have the power to tell you in 99.9 % confidence...
You can have the power overcome your past.
You can be happier than you ever thought possible.
You can re-direct the pain into strength.
You can enjoy your sex and feel real trust and intamcy with your lover.
You are in control.
And...it is a great and exciting adventure in your humanity!!
All you have to do...is choose.
Choose to walk foward and through this issue.
If you take people you can who understand what you went through with you...it's not as scary.
If people won't walk with you or, try to get in the way of your journey to happiness...then you leave them behind.
I so believe with all my heart that you can do this.
The first person to talk to about this is your boyfriend.
You don't have to go into details because he may not be stong enough to handle it...but, then again...he may.
You don't need bad advice right now...you need positive advice and encouragement
But, let him know you have issues and you're going to start dealing with it.
If he really loves you...he'll hang in there with you.
This journey may at times be sucky...but, I promise you it's so worth it.
Picture your life...un-affected by your past...picture feeling good.
Keep that picture always in your mind...and get to work!
love4u
Boogie
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Viewer Writes:
I think you have a great site!
I am 18. My relationship with my girlfriend ended with her leaving
me. She said that we could remain friends. This happened over a
month ago. My ex-girlfriend and I have remained friends. She has a
new boyfriend and she seems happy. I am happy for her. We still
see each other as friends and I am still invited to her house. This
question involves her single mother. From dating my ex-girlfriend I
have gotten to know her mom well. She is a very nice woman and very
attractive. The other night I was invited by my ex-girlfriend to a
dinner at her house. She, her new boyfriend, myself, and her mother
were there. Her mom cooked. It was a nice meal and a fun time.
After the dinner my ex-girlfriend and her boyfriend left for their
date. I offered to stay and help clean up. Her mother was happy for
the help. After we got done cleaning up the kitchen from the meal I
asked her if she would like a massage. She said “yes”. I gave her a
good rub down. It seemed to relax her and she seemed to enjoy it
very much. It also gave us a chance to talk more which I enjoyed. I
also enjoyed the feeling of her warm and smooth skin. After it was
over she thanked me with a passionate kiss. I would really like to
have sex with her. Do you think there is a chance given the fact of
the difference in our ages and the fact that I was a boyfriend of
her daughter? How can I let her know of my desire? Perhaps asking
if she would like another massage would give us a chance to talk
about this. How can I make this request to her?
Looking forward to your reply
Boogie Responds:
You're dancing in a dangerous part of the world...but, a very tempting one. lol
Older women ROCK!! make no mistake...they are more confident about what they want
...they are less hung up on drama...most of the time they are way better in bed.
BUT...this is your ex-girlfriends mom.
It sounds like she wants you...that's obvious and I'm sure it's exciting to her to have a young man want her.
BUT...this could cause a major issue with her and her daughter.
I know that sucks...and, believe me,
I understand it's part of what's turning you both on
...the taboo of fucking your ex's mom...hard to resist for sure.
The negatives that might be causing this.
Possible passive agressive revenge against your ex...maybe not...but, maybe.
Possibly the mom wants you because she's competing with her daughter
...some mom's do it...they want to prove to themselves that they can still take a man from another woman
...it's a shitty thing to do...but, it's part of our nature.
( Survival of the fittest, caveman, mating ritual type shit...lol )
The reality is...you are the horny guy...and you want to get laid.
But, if you want to keep the ex as a friend and have any integrity at all
(which I know is almost impossible to have when your penis is erect)
You should "lightly" roll it by your ex...in light conversation...almost in a joke to see how she reacts.
" Hey, you're mom's pretty...are you gonna hook a friend up?? "
Then see how she reacts...and dig a little deeper as you go...but, keep it light.
If she says, she doesn't care...then suggest that you might actually be serious.
Then...wait a day...because I gurentee you...she will talk to her mom about it
within an hour of you having this discussion.
If everybody is cool with it...I would suggest you fuck the paint off the mom's toenails for as
long as she wants you to....like I said...older women ROCK!
If she freaks out and says stuff like "that's disgusting" or, "I'd never forgive you" then you know
she's not mature enough to handle it.
If you still want to have sex with the mom,
you're going to have to lie about it and pray she doesn't find out...but, they usually always do.
Tough call my friend...but, if you care about either of them...you can't just throw yourself at the mom.
Because the mom may not be thinking this through either.
You will always be able to get sex but, they only have one mother/daughter relationship.
The fact that you e mailed me is a great indication that not ALL the blood has left your brain yet.
I respect you for that...it shows you do have some integrity.
good luck
Boogie
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Viewer Writes:
Alright, so I have a problem...obviously. I really like this
guy, he likes me, and we both want to start a relationship. HOWEVER,
I've been building up some protective "walls", if you will, to prevent
anyone from getting too close and hurting me, but now that I've found
someone who I'd like to begin a relationship with, I'm having two
problems. 1: I've never been in a true relationship before...I'm 18...that's sad
I know, and I'm really nervous being on unfamiliar territory.
2: I can't
seem to take down my defenses. I get this feeling in my gut that says
to keep them up. So, here I am, asking for advice on what I should do.
Boogie Responds:
I love this question because you are being so real and honest...so,
I will do my best to give you a real and honest answer. :)
This situation you are in is something most of us will be in
for the rest of our lives because the simple fact is...
MOST relationships don't work out.
The average person will be in at least a few relationships (sometimes quite a few)
before they find someone that they really want to go long term or, marry.
Even then...over half the marriages end in divorce.
I know that makes me an asshole to spoil the fairy tale
but, there is a good point...I promise...:)
Because of the strong emotions, expectations and sometime insecurities
that go along with a love affair (and especially a committed relationship)
it's usually painful when it ends...and I believe rightly so.
Our instincts, biologically for millions of years have taught us to avoid
pain and suffering as a method of survival.
Now that our brains have evovled (slightly) in a psycological sense over the last
couple thousand years...those same instincts try to protect us from emotional
pain and suffering...because our body and mind know that severe emotional pain
can cripple us almost as bad as a physical injury.
That's where your walls come from...they are a natural part of your body and mind
working together to protect you.
Don't fight it...it's a good thing...:)
It just means...you have to give yourself TIME to let this person earn your trust.
People have a tendancy to rush into a commited relationship like it's a god damn contest.
AS IF...you have to lock it down like a business deal with a time limit.
This mentality is a LOVE KILLER...I've seen this so many times it's insane.
People are so obsessed with owning the other person "Forever" that they
aren't spending time being in love today.
I'm not saying you never plan for a future with someone...but, most people rush it to the
point of stressing the "here and now" and evenutally kill the relationship.
You are in no hurry...if the other person is in a hurry...they are immature and it probably
won't work out anyway.
Now then...at 18 and never having been in a true relationship that has ended in pain...I'm
wondering...Where did you get the fear of pain?
Has someone else hurt you in a different way?
Family or, a close friendship perhaps?
These might be some things you want to look at...because usually walls come up after we've been
hurt.
Don't worry about this guy...just take your time, try to have a nice time with him,
keep your eyes open and let the walls come down
on their own.
lov4u
Boogie
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Viewer Writes:
I have a question: I believe my BF is masterbating to porn almost every day before
I get home from work, so he does it almost 5 days a week is this normal?
Boogie Responds:
Men masturbate nearly 7 days a week sometime more than once a day.
The problem is...why is he playing with himself instead of you?
This could be that he's having issues that make him not want to be intimate with you.
Are you having money problems? Is he fighting with his family? Did someone die?
All these can make a man shut down his intimacy.
Porn is just about getting off.
But, making love to a spouse or, girlfriend requires intimacy.
If he is masturbating but, then still having sex with you
...that is just a normal horny guy.
But, if he is replacing you with porn...then there is an issue.
Either way...honest communication is the only way to get to the bottom of this.
You have to insist on a good honest conversation.
...because you deserve to be given that respect.
Otherwise why be in a relationship?
lov4u
Boogie
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Viewer Writes:
Hello Boogie
Do you know what brain chemistry could induce a very bad mood
after waking in the afternoons?
I just awoke with this terrible feeling which I experienced all day.
It brought me to tears a few hours later as I just could not cope with it any longer.
It finally disappeared late at night.
Boogie Responds:
I'm glad you asked this...:)
Not being a doctor, I couldn't give you actual names of hormones/chemistry.
But, what I can suggest is what I frequently experience myself with what I call
"Dream residue" which is the lingering fear, anxiety, stress and/or depression
that affects you after you've woken up.
Even though you may not "remember" having a bad dream does not mean that you didn't.
It didn't even need to be a horrible, scary or, violent nightmare to trigger a change in mood.
It could have been a simple image of someone or, something
that you relate to as a stress trigger...like a bad person from your past/present
or, an object that reminds you of a bad experience.
Our dreams are very rapid and sometimes overlap multiple times
into other stories, images and scenarios.
Without babbling too long about it...I believe your brain (while in sleep state) entertains itself
with dreams and random images while your body regenerates.
Kinda like reading a magazine while you're waiting for your car to get fixed. :)
What we remember from our dreams is actually a very small portion of what that dream was.
We feel we remember it all but, seeing as it's transferring from the sub-conscious to the conscious,
it makes sense that some would get lost in the translation.
So, in your case I would say it's very likely that something in your dream that you don't remember
triggered an emotional response.
If it doesn't happen often, I wouldn't worry about it...but, it is very normal.
I've had nightmares follow me for weeks and cause a pretty decent amount of trauma...but, we all
already know that I'm fucking nuts so, it's no big deal...I've gotten quite used to it...:)
You also might need to talk with someone about what's going on in your life right now...perhaps there
are some fears or, pains you're not dealing with and they are coming up in your dreams...maybe???
Or, you body could be craving some missing vitamins and minerals
...eat some veggies and exercise...great for body, mind and spirit! lol
either way...you're ok...don't worry...think positive.
lov4u
Boogie
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Viewer Writes:
hi....well im 17 and well i have a problem and see what is ur
view on this.
ok about 2 mouths ago my mom promise me to take me to this theme park
with my bf and my bf and i dont see much of eachother cuz he lives an
hour and half away and is a pussy to get a car. she has agree about
every mouth when its a week more and were ganna go she taps out and says next
week. my mom makes good cash soo paying for the tickits are soo back.
every time we make plans she just once again taps out. my mom makes
promise and leaves them haging she already told me she taps out cuz she
dosnt want to go. i clean and work around the house and try to do stuff
for me. my mom still owes me 250 bucks. really what should i do, i have
to wait untill im 18 to get my drivers licence and just completly lost
also im not in school i drop out and got a GED soo what im asking is.
What should i do about my mom always promising me thing then cocks out?
Boogie Responds:
Well...from your letter you don't describe your mother as mean or, abusive...just flakey.
There are a lot of reasons why people don't follow through on
their promises and without knowing that much about you
or, your mom it's hard to make a guess.
But, the good news is your 17 and up to this point even though your mom
may not be taking you and your bf to amusement parks
...she's still letting you live at a place she's paying for.
I'm assuming of coarse she is cause you said she makes good money.
Maybe there is an issue of her childhood where her
parents promised her stuff and flaked.
If she has not dealt with that...then that may be what she thinks you're supposed
to do to be a parent...maybe she thinks it makes you rely on yourself
and become more independant...who knows.
Some issues you will not find out about until after you move out on your own.
You have your whole life to work out a hopefully good relationship with your mom.
It sucks that she's flakey...but, we don't know her point of view either.
If she's not super mean about it, just accept that everyone
has their issues...you and me included.
You'll be 18 in a year...and you can get a job and get your own place
while you decide how you want to live out your life and find happiness.
Do your best until then to lower your expectations of your mom keeping her word on doing stuff.
If you accept that is just how she is right now...you won't get as upset by it.
None of us are perfect and the law doesn't require parents
to take classes on communicating with their kids...it also doesn't
require us to learn how to talk to our parents.
Maybe it should...lol
Until then...you have to take responsibility for learning this stuff yourself
and become a better person.
hang in there and stay positive.
love4u
Boogie
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Viewer Writes:
Dear Boogie
First I wanted to say that I am a fan of both askboogie.com and your
myspace pages for a long while now. They always bring a smile.
I am 28 years old, have a beautiful 4 year old daughter, and have been
married to my husband for seven years. Shortly after I had my daughter
I was put into the hospital and diagnosed with bi-polar disorder-II and
schitzo-effective disorder.
I did the medication tango for three years and finally stopped all meds
last year. Im not really able to hold on to a job it seems and lately
my husband has been asking me to file for disability so that I can help
support my family somehow.
My fear is - things havent been going all that great at home, and Im
afraid that if my husband and I dont make it, that he will eventually use
my mental illness and disability against me and take custody of my
daughter from me.
I dont really have anyone to talk to who could give me an unbiased
opinion. Any advice you could offer would be appreciated.
Boogie Responds:
Thank you so much for writing...:)
Well...part of being "unbiased" is that I may say something you don't like.
So, because you asked for that...that is the way I will answer.
I congratulate you on getting off the meds...It's a big step at getting control
of your life back...:)
Now then...even though the custody issue is a valid concern
about the potential future, it is not today.
Your depression can easily sabotage you into neglecting the work you need to do
on yourself today...to obsess and shut down over a future that is not even real.
I have wasted many depressed years making my today worse because of my fears
of the future.
Now then...if you truly believe your marriage is in trouble...what are you doing
TODAY to work on that relationship?
Before you start worrying about the terms of the break-up, shouldn't you rather
be finding out what the problem with your husband is to see if you can improve it?
You have the power right now to take steps (big or, small) to make yourself a better
person...nobody is going to do it for you.
Are you in therapy?...are you in a self-help group or, online discussion group?
Are you working on small goals to improve your
ability to be able to get a job?
Even if it's a part time job (5-15 hours a week) doing basic labor...it's still
a good step to learning how to function back in the real world.
I've clean a lot of toilets/wiped tables getting my head back together...lol
Now...to indulge your concern about the " what if " scenario.
My unbiased opinion is...
My first concern is for the welfare, safety and education of the child.
That is also the position of the courts.
Whoever is the best at giving care to your daughter (not just financially) is the one that SHOULD have
custody.
That is what the courts would try to determine...should there be a custody issue.
Just because you are depressed doesn't automatically mean your husband will get custody.
If you can show the court that you are not a slave to your depression
and that you can still provide the best care
in a safe nurturing enviornment...the courts usually side with the mother or, grant joint custody.
So, if you are truly concerned about that...what are you also doing today to be
the mother that deserves custody of your daughter?
Are you active in your daughters development? (reading-vocabulary, learning numbers, social skills etc)
Is she in Pre-school? Are you active at the school with her?
Today is such a wonderful opportunity for you to take so many little steps towards being
a better person.
Don't let the bad chemicals and hormones tell you that the future is the thing to focus on.
If you are working hard today to be better...tomorrow will have more positive power to work with.
You can do it!! :)
lov4u
Boogie
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Viewer Writes:
ok so...
im a virgin. but i dont really wanna be, i'll say that straight up.
My girlfriend however has had A LOT of sex.
matter of fact she slept around quite a bit prior to us getting
together. That being said, I really really really wanna please her. like a
lot. I would most deffinetly say im in love and i can safely say she feels
the same. i like pleasing more than being pleased (we've had oral
several times and only once was the favor for me). I dont really know how
much she is expecting from me but i wanna please her as best as humanly
possible. and i htink im worrying a little cus i know i dont have the
largest of dicks. 5 1/2 inches.
im not entirely sure as to what im actually asking but any advice (or
bullshit) would be greatly appreciated.
thanks.
Boogie Responds:
Hey my friend, thanks for writing.
I'm gonna save you years of pain that I put myself through over this very topic.
If you want to please a woman, all you have to do is care about her and listen
to what she likes, then do it to the best of your ability.
.Other than that....DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT!!!
If you stress yourself out over your sexual ability or, lack of it...you will never
enjoy sex and you'll never get better at it.
Pressure does not belong in the bedroom.
If you stress yourself out too much you won't even be able to get an erection.
Sex is about flow and touch and fun.
If you really like the girl your with, let her know you want to learn what she likes.
This will start good communications.
If she's shy about telling you...just try different things and watch how she reacts.
If you do something she likes...she'll respond.
Also there is nothing wrong with getting a book on lovemaking.
DO NOT look to porn to teach you how to be a good lover.
Porn is not real sex...it is fantasy sex...all those fucked up positions
are very uncomfortable to most women.
The girls in the porno are acting for the benefit of the audience.
It's really not to hard to figure out...but, if you don't also
enjoy yourself...it won't be a good experience...so don't stress.
Lot's of kissing, lot's of touching...don't squeeze or, bite
anything too hard (unless you are asked to)
BIG TIP: Learn the proper way to give oral if she enjoys that
(most women do and will only orgasm with even clitoral stimulation...the clit
is the thing above the opening of the vagina, under the little hood
...it's about the size of a small bean or, pea)
The key to oral is finding out if they want to be licked (on the clit) softly and evenly or, a little harder (all vaginas are different)...then just be consistent and if she is getting excited keep doing what your doing until she orgasms.
If you pull this off...you're the KING!!!
Most guys can't even FIND the clit...lol
Ok, you now have a start...get in there and have fun...be safe and be loving.
Don't cheat yourself out of the adventure of learning by stressing out...that's not fun for anybody.
DON'T WORRY...it'll all work out.
peace4u
Boogie
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Viewer Writes:
I am depressed, cant eat sleep and have no energy to look
after my kids, went to doctor but they offered no help, can you please
suggest something?
Boogie Responds:
Hello there...:)
thank you so much for writing.
I'm very sorry your doc was a stupid...but, some doctors just don't understand depression.
A couple things that really help me get through bad seasons of sadness are...
1. Make the problems smaller...don't worry about the rest of your life...all you can do is live
one moment at a time...try to look at the little things you like,
(outdoors or, flowers...trees, ocean...etc.)
Maybe when your kids draw pics that makes you smile...focus on the many little things about life that are nice to see, feel, taste.
Life does not owe us happiness...if we have only had even
a couple moments...then we are quite lucky.
Don't look at other people who you THINK are happy...You are not them...so focus on yourself
and being happy NOW instead of wishing you had things that would make you happy in the future.
The future will never be here NOW so, deal with this moment.
When I'm really in bad shape...I just keep repeating the phrase "This too shall pass".
When I remind myself that my problems are temporary...the sadness leaves quicker.
2. Diet: Lot's of Sugars and Caffeine (coffee, tea, soda pop) can make it really hard to manage depression...because the sugars/Caffeine give you a quick rush of energy and then a quick crash. This makes it difficult to focus on balancing yourself out mentally because your body chemistry is going up and down.
Lot's of veggies and some good protein (chicken, fish).
Easy on the bread and cheese...bread creates a lot of sugar and is actually very hard on your digestive system.
Cheese and dairy can block you up too.
If your body isn't fighting to digest hard foods, you will have more energy
to focus on getting through depression.
People don't think diet has a lot to do with depression...diet has to do with
EVERY SINGLE FUNCTION OF YOUR BODY AND MIND.
Because it is everything that we are...what we eat.
Depression, happiness, love, anger and fear...are just very general names
we use to describe what we are feeling.
But, what you are actually feeling is a chemical reaction in your body, created by things
you put into your body, triggered by stimulus from outside the body.
Depression is nothing more than a signal your brain sends to your body that says "make this chemical/hormone"
Then your body makes it and you feel the effects of it.
Once again...looking at it this way helps to take away the power of depression because you've broken it down to a smaller problem.
The goal is not to fix the world...just balance the chemicals.
That's unfortunately why doctors just prescribe crappy meds...because people
don't want to learn how to fix it themselves...then want a pill to do it for them.
Pills/meds will NEVER fix the problem...it is an artificial balancing of your bodies chemicals.
Now then...if you're in an extreme state of depression...by all means...do what you have to, to balance yourself out...but, meds should only be used for a short time, while you learn to deal with your life on your own...Then you stop using the meds.
There are exceptions obviously but, MOST people who suffer from depression
do NOT need to go on meds.
I don't know if any of this helps...but, the last few weeks have been very rough for me...and the things I have talked about really do make a difference in how bad I get.
I'm not afraid of sadness anymore...I know what it is...and I know...
I CAN GET THROUGH IT.
I know YOU can get through it too.
I believe in you.
lov4u
Boogie
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Viewer Writes:
ok then here's my question, would it be wise for me to go to California from Pennsylvania to meet some guy i met on myspace?
yes we've been chatting and what not and i think hell why not?
so what do u think?
help me oh wise one
Boogie Responds:
As long as you can mix REALITY with ADVENTURE...then it could be fun.
The trick is...plan TWO separate trips.
Meaning...what will you do when you meet the guy
and he's a creep with bad breath and looks nothing like his pic.
Or, just the VERY common..."great on the phone...but, no fire in person" syndrome.
I've gone places to meet people...I study the area I'm going and make plans
to see some stuff in case the person I'm meeting is a dud or, creepy.
AND... of coarse there are the security issues that are VERY real...even for us adults.
Make sure you have an address and phone number on this guy to give to some friends before you leave if you wind up at his place make sure it's the address he gave you before you go in
...and honestly...
You should still meet him in public and hang out a while before going anywhere private with him...that should be " a given ".
You are in control of this meeting...always remember that.
If a girl asked me to...I'd meet her at the police station, if that made her feel comfortable.
...I think every city should have computerized screening booth at every police station where you
could both swipe your ID's in front of an officer and see if violent criminal records show up.
Why not...it's not like our culture is getting any safer on it's own.
but, always meet in public the first meeting.
That way...if he's a dud...you can leave and immediately go on your Plan B vacation.
You should have your own hotel room booked if you are going...once again to not be stuck...and to be safer.
If you guys hit it off...stay one night in your hotel and then maybe go to his place...(personally I would only stay at the hotel)
If you have a back up plan...you won't feel stupid for going...you'll have a good time anyway...and be able to laugh about what a nube the guy was.
But, if it works out, you'll feel even better about yourself because you took steps to be prepared and take care of yourself.
lov4u
Boogie
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Viewer Writes:
I am a 20 yr old college student who works
part time.
I have not had many relationships in my life.
I've always been attracted to older men.
Lately, at this new job that i work at, i've
started liking this man i work with.
He's 48 years old, but age is nothing but a number to me.
I am very attracted to him both physically and mentally.
We get along great, but he's happily married for 25+ years, with a 20 year old son and
18 yr old daughter.
But i can't help but really really like him.
Lately, we started talking about sex. I am a virgin, but to make things more
interesting, i pretend that i'm not and talk about sex.
He tells me about his boring sex life with his wife and we
talk about sex.
Recently, he has been getting erections while we talk
about sex, and i've told him that i'm very attracted to him (sexually).
Obviously he feels the same way. I do have morals and i am a very
intelligent young woman, but if he was to want to have sex with me or
something i would probably do it despite the fact he's married.
Within the last month or so things have been getting, well, let's just say
intense.
(NOTE FROM EDITOR: :Viewer goes on to describe light sexual contact)
I am so confused because i know he sees this as nothing more than a physical thing
but, i feel i have very strong feelings for him, almost love.
Do you think he has already cheated on his
wife by diong what he's doing with me?
I know it is a dead end relationship because he would never leave his wife
or family. Do you think hes taking advantage of me?
I've offered to have sex with him or have oral, but he
says he can't because he won't cheat. but hasn't he already cheated?
This
is all so new to me. I'm so very confused. What is going on? I need
some advice on what i should do.
Boogie Responds:
I know and understand that this is a very new and exciting experience for you with this older man.
I also agree that age should not matter...so, the age difference is not a big deal to me.
But,...YOU ARE FUCKING WITH A MARRIED MAN!
That is shitty...and the fact that he is willing to fuck around with you means that HE is shitty.
No matter what he tells you about how bad his sex is and how his wife doesn't understand...blah blah...
it is bullshit...he's TOTALLY using you.
He apparently does not respect his wife and family enough to divorce her if he is sooooo un happy...
so, the same would happen if he was with you once he is sick of you.
Married men that fool around with younger women WHILE they are married are very unstable and insecure people.
It would be another thing if he were single and you were single and you hit it off great.
but, that is NOT the case.
Do NOT give your virginity to this man...it's only a matter of time before he takes you up on your offers.
You want to go the rest of your life knowing you helped wreck a family your first time having sex???
I know you have feelings for him...but, you are going down a bad road...
you are being part of lies to his wife and deception to his family.
How would YOU feel if you were his wife of many years, giving him loyalty and a family...
then he dumps you like a piece of shit to fool around with a 20 year old behind your back???
Don't become this person...you will not be happy with yourself.
Let him divorce his wife if he's so serious about you...his wife at least deserves that.
Don't talk to him about sex anymore...avoid him....what you are doing is not cool.
"Love is not a permit to fuck up peoples lives...that is not love...that is selfishness".
You are better than that...I know it.
Don't feel bad for having feelings for this guy...but, acting on your feelings is a different story.
He is preying on your lack of experience.
good luck
lov4u
Boogie
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Viewer Writes:
I Have this asshole husband i don't know what to do with. we
have a 5 month old son (a true gift from God). He treats me like total
crap. He's emotionally abusive, sometimes physically, he makes awesome
money and won't let me stay home to take care of our son. He expects me
to do everything around the house, not to mention he lost his drivers
license for 18 months. He drinks too much and it seems like he doesn't
want to deal with the baby- like it's my responsibility only. What
really sucks is that i 'stumbled' upon his work email and found he had an
affair with some 21 year old slut. He kept denying it and i kept
badgering him until he finally had it and gave in and told me about it. I went
on anti-depressants. I can't even leave him because i have no where to
go. What are your thoughts on this?
Boogie Responds:
Do you really need me to tell you what you need to do?
If you are not happy and being treated like shit...you have to leave.
Even if it means finding a temporary women's shelter.
The money is not as important as your happiness.
Your child growing up around you "pretending" to be happy in a crappy relationship
is HORRIBLE for a child.
They are not that stupid.
A child does not need two parents that hate each other
...the child only needs REAL LOVE and positive role models in their life.
If you can not offer that with your husband...you are cheating your child out of
a slim hope at happiness that life does not grantee anyway.
If your husband is drinking and abusive...you can't even
talk to someone like that face to face...don't even try.
Talk to a lawyer, talk to your local police about getting a restraining order if you have to.
But, you have to leave...you have to make a plan...and leave.
MAYBE...if he see's you are serious...he will take steps towards changing...even though
this is not usually the case...which is better because now you are at least already out of the house.
You can write him a letter but, be BRIEF and be very direct...
Something like:
"When you are ready to be a husband and treat me with the respect you vowed on our wedding day...I will come back and we will be take steps to be a happy family...if not...hire a lawyer...Our child deserves better and so do I"
A ten page letter with lots of "You did this's and I feel like blah blah" will only give him more ammunition to fuck with your head...and turn it around on you...that's what assholes/abusers do.
Most women just don't seem to understand this...DON'T GIVE MEN AMMUNITION IN THE EARLY PHASES OF BATTLE!
The deep emotional stuff is what you discuss in the presence of a marriage counselor who is hopefully trained enough to keep you guys honest and not viscous, while working through tough issues.
If you are going to even hope for staying together at this point...you will need "qualified" counseling.
But, you should NOT move back in the until you have least had a couple of positive counseling session to help lay down some honest ground rules.
If he refuses counseling , IMMEDIATELY move towards divorce...show him YOU are in charge of your happiness...and are ready to move swiftly to get on with your life.
Once again...this will take away HIS control over you and maybe motivate him to change.
This... of coarse depends on whether he even cares to stay with you or, if he just want to control / own you.
Now then....I know this is an ugly idea that I'm presenting...I also know...you will most likely not be as immediate and aggressive as I've suggested...if at all...most women get scared or, manipulated by the abuser.
They end up
talking themselves out of their desire to be truly happy for them and their child... and stay for years...MISERABLE.
That's just the sad truth.
Most people in your situation (men and women)
don't believe enough in themselves to be strong.
They have been beaten down...and forget how strong they really can be.
You must be aggressive about this...for yourself...for your child...it's time to toughen up.
What did you do before you were married???
You survived your whole life up until you were married...without him...You will survive after him.
I truly hope YOU will be strong enough...I believe in you...I know you can do it.
No matter what anyone tells you ....YOU ARE WORTH HAPPINESS...and so is your child.
good luck
lov4u
Boogie
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Viewer Writes:
I have a promblem...and see its dealing with sex im 23yrs old
and no im not a virgin. But latlley I have been wantig to save myself
until I get married. see I met this nice guy and I told him im not
haveing sex until I get married. And I really do mean what I say... Do you
think its a little late to be safeing myself now.
and do you think by me telling that, ran him away?
Boogie Responds:
Well...seeing as I'm a rather sexually liberated individual I will tread
lightly on this one...:)
There is nothing wrong with you doing ANYTHING that you feel makes
you a happier person.
So, if making this decision about your sexuality is something that makes
you happy...I say go for it!
Now then...On to reality.
If you are going to go outside of strictly religious/sexually repressive
circles to find your husband...you are in for much rejection because of your
new choice...that is a fact...sorry.
I've heard women take this stance many times at many points of their dating lives.
They get so tired of feeling used just for sex by the men they are dating that they vow
to take away the sex to try to "Weed out" those who would use and hurt them.
But, soon they realize that truth is...men want sex...other than sex...men don't really know
what they want...but, they know they want sex.
We are sexual beings...it's why there are so many of us...lol
You tell most men..."you can't have sex with me until we're married"...they will leave.
Or, they will start lying to you to break you down/ cheat while your engaged.
The reason this doesn't work is that by saying that, you've just put a BIG price tag on sex.
It is no longer something that has to do with love intimacy or, passion...it is a condition...it is
you exerting your "pussy power" over a man.
Men do not respond well to this....I don't respond well to it either.
It also hints to a man that you are most likely not very sexual.
A lot of women still believe that marriage fixes things or, makes men better...marriage fixes nothing.
Two people working together fixes things.
Whether you are married or, not.
There are a lot of guys that might eventually marry you...but, not a lot that will suffer
a long engagement of chastity.
I honestly don't think a man who does not want to wait is automatically a bad person.
It is miserable to be a sexual person and to have your sex held hostage by
someone your dating...I've had it done to me...it's horrible.
I was also a born again christian minister (believe it or, not)...so, I did the "no sex before marriage thing.
What happened???
...I got married WAY before I was mature enough to handle a marriage
because I wanted the sex.
FYI: I was not a virgin before I became a christian...so, it was even more horrible.
Glad that's over...lol
However... if you are determined that this is the best choice for you...I say stick
to your guns...and wait for a guy with a low sex drive.
Or, if the reason you are taking this stance is because of not wanting to be used...
change your standard to "I'm saving my sex until I'm in love...or, in a monogamous relationship".
That's a lot easier for a man to swallow...and is more realistic in our culture.
hope this helps.
lov4u
Boogie
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Viewer Writes:
First, thanks for taking your time to answer other people's worries.
I have one of my own I hope will get some of your much sought-after
attention.
I am a young mom with 2 kids, ages 9 and 21 months. My hubby and I have
been together for about 10 years.
I work a very hectic
schedule that leaves me frazzled. To top it off, I have a very short
temper and I carry a LOT of my stress with me.
My 9 year old has been very emotional lately. He's normally an
emotional kid, but never to this extent. He'll come close to tears when we tell
him no to something he wants - if he doesn't get to spend the night
with a friend, if he can't borrow a video game or get/buy the thing he
wants. I get really frustrated with him because these are material wants
and he seems to throw a fit or cry when we say no. He refuses to let us
try to calm him down.
I'm exasperated, this kid leaves me more frustrated than I was before
the fit. Can you offer any suggestions to help me de-stress my kiddo and
help him to cope with the fact he simply cannot have his way all the
time and it's ok to let things go sometimes ?
Boogie Responds:
Well first and foremost I will be careful about the advice I give to
a parent seeing as I don't have children of my own.
However, I worked with children for many years (ages 5 and up ) and
have a lot of experience in understanding and dealing with children on
an emotional level.
Plus...I was a kid for my whole childhood...so, I feel I'm qualified to talk
about how kids think...:)
This honestly just sounds like a child's natural manipulative behavior.
Some children just cry loud and longer because...the haven't been taught
that it doesn't work.
If he's still throwing tantrums means, that it's still working for him.
Up until just recent history...the young had to grow up much quicker
because NOBODY put up with that shit for very long.
In our culture now...we allow children to be children a lot longer
in hopes of developing a broader emotional and creative personality.
Some people think it's bad to impose limits on a child's temper tantrums.
I think it's important to allow a child to feel their emotions
but, temper tantrums (unless there is a real emotional problem or, medical issue)
is mainly a tool the child uses to impose their will aggressively, selfishly
and sometimes if not dealt with...violently.
I don't believe that should be encouraged , especially not at 9 years old.
If this behavior is not addressed and met with a firm consistent plan of action...your
child will have temper tantrums into his adult life.
I've seen it...it's a really damn sad sight.
I've seen adults in their 30's and even one in his 50's throw screaming kicking,
red in the face temper tantrums.
Child development is all about programming cause and effect.
Hint: It's the same with adults...we just pretend it's not.
Kids are not embarrassed to do WHATEVER it takes to get what they want and
they surely are not concerned with whether it embarrasses or, upsets you.
Programming is about, following a program consistently.
The main word is Consistency...100% Consistency
Consistent discipline for uncontrollable outbursts (stay in your room until you
calm down, no video games...no desert...no tv...etc) matched with consistent positive reinforcement.
"Mommy and daddy love you and WANT to be with you but,
we will NOT be with you when you behave this way.
If you are sad...we really want to talk about it...but, we will NOT tolerate temper tantrums."
Consistently EVERY TIME...no exceptions. Consistency Consistency Consistency
Did I mention that Consistency is the key word here??? :)
If you show somebody ( especially a child ) exactly where the wall is,
they will adjust their behavior to that wall.
If you put holes in that wall...they will keep going through.
This is called "enabling"...children's manipulative behavior (just like adults) is like water...
water goes wherever it CAN.
If you don't plug the holes in the wall the water will seep through.
Ask yourself this question:
"If I reward negative behavior...what will be my child's motivation to stop
that negative behavior???
If I handed you a 100 dollar bill for walking up and kicking me in the leg...you'd kick that crap
out of me every day.
If you give in and give your child whatever it is they are crying about...
they will cry EVERY time because they know that's what works.
In psychology this is called "Operant Conditioning"
Or, pushing the right buttons to get the desired effect.
ANY reward during or, after a temper tantrum is validating the behavior.
Even if it's an inconvenience to you and means
canceling a trip out, birthday party, holiday festivities...whatever.
Until your child stops with the tantrums...you MUST NOT GIVE IN...
otherwise you are hurting him for the rest of his life.
It does not make you a bad person...you should not feel guilty.
Stay the coarse...(this term doesn't always work in politics but, it's good in human behavior...lol)
It may seem easier to just "give in" to shut him up...but, you are
actually prolonging your misery because you are
helping him permanently program a negative behavior.
Loving someone means sometimes you have to be firm...especially when
you know what's best for them.
Trust me...children are quick learners...if you are truly consistent.
your child will not waste his time on a trick that doesn't work.
If after a few weeks of consistently NOT re-enforcing you child's behavior...there might
be another issue there and perhaps consulting child therapist might give you some
better tools to help find out what that issue is.
...NOW to throw in a monkey wrench...is it possible that your short temper
is helping re-enforce your son's???
How are YOU dealing with YOUR stress?
yes, I'm an asshole for throwing that in but, how your child see's you cope with
anger can be the example they follow.
Good luck...and BE CONSISTENT..:)
lov4u
Boogie
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Viewer Writes:
I dated this young chick. She worshiped the ground i walked
on. for two years and i treated her like crap. now i realize i made a
mistake and want her back, but she is seeing someone new. i was her first
love, and the first to bed her. I'm currently stationed overseas for 3 more
months. how do i keep her mind on me and off of him? i've already
apologized, sent flowers, you name it. i'm making progress, but i don't like
the threat of that other dude. i've asked all my friends, but any
advice or bullshit someone can offer would be much appreciated.
thanks
Boogie Responds:
Does she OWE you a second chance?
You openly admit that you treated someone like shit for
two years while they cherished you...and now because you
apologize and send flowers she's supposed to drop everything
and take you back to possibly treat her like shit again???
Sorry bro...it doesn't work that way.
If you REALLY want her back you're going to have to SHOW HER that you've
changed and actually BECOME a better person...not just kiss her ass and tell
her a bunch of shit you think she wants to hear.
Immature / insecure women fall for ass kissing when they're still IN the
relationship but, once it's over and they get some distance from you
or, start dating someone who actually respects them....why should they
take you back?
Would you?
If a chick treated you like shit and made you feel that your love was worthless
for two years would you take her back?
I sure wouldn't...and I've been in that situation before...more than once (young and stupid).
To be really honest...just from the short letter your wrote,
this kinda sounds like it's just a game to you.
It doesn't really sound like you love her...you just don't want
to be beaten out by another guy that's possibly
going to be a better boyfriend than you were.
That and possibly the loneliness of being overseas.
She's not your property anymore...she actually never was.
If you REALLY cared about her happiness because you REALLY love
her...
You would back off and take time to work on yourself to make sure
you never treated her or, another girlfriend like crap again.
Your apology is not very sincere, if you only apologized to get her back.
If you're really SORRY you'll be happy for her with her new dude if
it's making her happy.
But, I'm not feelin that from you at all.
A real man can admit his mistakes...you've done that and I think that
a great step of maturity...but, a real man can also accept that his mistakes
will sometimes cost him...permanently.
No matter what...you know you have some things to work on in your life
to make sure that you don't treat someone you're dating poorly.
I'm really glad you wrote but, I'm pretty positive that this isn't what you
wanted to hear from me.
But, I can only call em how I see em'
If I'm wrong...well then...I'm just some full of shit idiot on the internet sharing
my opinion.
good luck and get home safe :)
peace
Boogie
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Viewer Writes:
Dear Boogie
I'm deeply in love with my x and he says he feels the same but, every time
i tell him i feel that way he dis me. After awhile he gets all lovly and then when i want him back
he dis me. Now im getting soo pissed and i cant get over him what should i do?
P.S. ur songs F**kin Rock
Boogie Responds:
Hey thar...:)
It's ok to know you still have feelings for someone...it's what you DO with those feelings that makes it a good choice or, a bad choice.
It sounds like he just wants to keep you around for X-sex.
If he was being for real...he would be "for real"...you feel what I'm saying?
Why do you want to be with someone who you already know isn't right for you
(that's why he's your X-boyfriend) and even after your broke up is still dissin' you.
You need to move on...you need to be happy to be with yourself for a while to get over him.
You will be happier because you know you did the right thing.
You deserve someone who is at least going to treat you with respect...right?
It comes down to loving or, at least liking yourself.
If you feel good about yourself you will see straight through his bullshit
and say..."I deserve BETTER"
Give yourself some distance from him for a while...If you keep in contact with him it just
makes it harder to see clearly without him.
Be strong for you.
lov4u
Boogie
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Viewer Writes:
Hello sir Boogie! I am going to be 18 soon and there's a
girl that I have been friends with for several years. She is 14 years old
now. The other day she told me about how she's always had the biggest
"crush" on me. We simply laughed about this for the rest of the day,
but later that night, she called me and we got into this big
relationship talk... Now, she doesn't find our age difference strange at all, but
she's going to be a freshman in high school and i'm going to be a
freshman in college. I know she "likes" me and i've come to realize that I
"like" her too, but would it be strange with me being about three and a
half years older than her? She's really nice and isn't a complete
idiot/alcoholic like the rest of the girls in my area. Please help me out
here man.
Boogie Responds:
Dude...you will go to prison...DO NOT FUCK AROUND...do you know
how many THOUSANDS
of men have gone to jail for this???
it's doesn't matter if it's only a couple of years...
YOU are going to be a legal adult...and SHE is still a minor.
One fight with her.
One fight with her parents.
One pissed of school counselor.
One concerned neighbor..
and somebody will report you...and you can go to prison for Statutory Rape.
or, at least a giant, expensive multi-thousand dollar legal case.
She likes you now...what happens when you piss her off
or, she starts pulling Jr. high drama on you.
Not a good idea...repeat...BAD IDEA.
If you were here...friend to friend...I'd bitch slap you until you came back to earth. :)
Did I mention that this is a bad idea and that you can go to prison and
FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE BE A REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER.
When you go to jail as a sex offender you might get fucked up (or, fucked) by other inmates.
You will have to be separated and do your time with other fucking REAL perverts and sickos.
You see, once your in prison...everyone finds out what your in for...
and they won't believe you when you try to say "oh but, it was only 3 1/2 year difference"
Even if you NEVER lay a finger on her sexually...she can lie and you go bye bye.
You think I'm full of shit???
ok, that's cool...but, do me a favor...
Go to a pay phone and anonymously call your local police stations non-emergancy number..
.ask to talk to a detective and ask him/her if it's a good idea.
WHY RISK YOUR ENTIRE FUTURE???....WHY???
I'm going off on you because your not thinking with your brain.
Once you turn 18...YOU ONLY DATE 18 and OVER...
unless you live in a State where the age of consent is 16.
But, nowhere in America is the age of consent 14.
Ok, I'm done... you asked...I shot straight with you...
You're going to do what you want...
but, I'm not going to stick up for you in court or, visit you in jail.
I'm not over reacting this is a real possibility for what you considering.
Make the right choices.
peace
Boogie
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Viewer Writes:
How to get a girl to like me dude!!!!!!
Boogie Responds:
That's easy...become a likeable person.
Don't be selfish.
Don't be a complete pussy (women don't biologically respond to that)
...but, don't be a greedy asshole either.
Be interested in her thoughts...be interested in her life.
Become someone who wants to see more than what's in front of you.
and most important...BE YOURSELF.
If you have to pretend to be someone else to get someone to like
you...it'll never work anyway because you're lying to yourself and her.
If you ARE being yourself and she still doesn't like you?
...fuck it...find someone else...you're not her type...no big deal.
Everyone can't love you or, me. ( trust me dude...most women don't want me as
a lover )
Don't stress about it...Just move on and find someone who will.
Good luck.
peace4u
Boogie
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Viewer Writes:
I plan on entering the military shortly after my 18th
birthday. For me it's a matter of personal honor, among other things, and I've
examined it thoroughly, and I have no questions about that.
My problem
is that my current girlfriend who I am in love with is adamantly
against it. She told me that if I sign the papers, I won't see her anymore.
I
want to do this for myself, but at the same time I have many options
other than the military where I could stay with her, but what I really
want is to be a soldier. How can I reconcile the differences?
What
should I choose, love or happiness? Her reasoning is that she is a refugee
from eastern Europe and doesn't want to associate with war again, but I
tried to explain that the United States is not the same as her home. I
am utterly confused, and I don't want to make a mistake and lose love,
or regret my whole life that I didn't do what I wanted.
Any help,
please!?
Boogie Responds:
Well...the first thing you will learn about being a soldier is sacrifice.
You are giving up many of your rights to become the property of
the armed services.
They will control your thoughts and destiny for the entire term of your service.
You will give up your rights in order to fight for the rights of others...at least that's the
idea.
You could become injured or, die.
You may end up in a war you don't believe in.
You may end up serving under someone who does not appreciate your honor
and true spirit of patriotism.
No government is perfect and never has been. Many true soldiers in many different nations
have been wasted over the bad ideas and corruption of it's leaders...
The U.S is no different...we have made many mistakes too.
However...
You may be called on to do something great and noble...that will give
you the sense of purpose you are looking for.
If your desire is to be a soldier and serve your ideals of honor and patriotism..
I can only say you must be who you are.
However...you must let your girlfriend be who she is.
If you try to change her views then you are not letting her be who SHE wants to be.
She apparently does not want to be with a soldier...and from the past she comes from...
I can't blame her one bit...she escaped to America to get away from mans wars and visions
of honor...she's done with it.
You cannot be selfish...you must respect her right to not want to be with you if
you join.
If you force her to...then you're already going against the ideal of an American soldier, which
is to protect peoples rights...that is hypocrisy.
My advice...you're only going to be 18...you can wait a couple years to sign up.
Trust me with recruitment having the troubles they are making their goals...they'll take you
at 22 with NO PROBLEM.
Your recruiter is going to make up a bunch of bullshit of how you need to join now to get
your programs situated...but, that's only because he is under the gun to put bodies into
boot camp.
Always remember a recruiter only gives a shit about you until you get on the bus.
Then they're onto the next recruit...
Stay with your girlfriend and see where it goes.
In six months you could break up anyway...then join with a clear mind.
Perhaps in a year you will find another path that gives you just as much purpose as
serving in the forces.
Maybe not...but, as young as you are...you can afford the time.
Good luck
Boogie
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Viewer Writes:
I had a sexual dream about my cousin the other day...I have
no idea why. I'm not a pervert or anything and don't even think of her in
that way. That is just wrong. It kinda freaked me out. Is that kind of
dream normal or do i have issues?
Boogie Responds:
This is a great question!
Thank you for being honest about something that is
VERY common and yet NOBODY wants to talk about
it...because
EVERYBODY is freaked out by it.
Dreams of sexual encounters with anything and anybody
(including relatives, men, woman, animals...etc.)
do happen for most of us at certain times in our dream
history.
Though I'm not an expert on dream psychology (which is a pretty
vague and widely argued topic anyway)... I've had vivid dreams and nightmares
my whole life.
I've had many sexual dreams with people, places and things
that have messed with my head horribly once I wake up.
I won't go into details but, let's just say some of the dreams
have left me suicidal that my brain could even produce such
images and put me in the middle of it.
Dreams that represent everything that I'm against.
After many years of seeking wisdom and education on this topic,
I've learned how to not be upset when I have these types of dreams.
We must remember...the subconscious mind works completely different
from our waking mind.
The subconscious mind does not have the same social restraints and morality
that our waking mind does.
The subconscious mind's only purpose is to solve physical puzzles by releasing
chemicals into the body and other parts of the brain.
Our subconscious mind is not attached to socially evolved morals, it only functions
based on the instincts of the human animal.
Which annoyingly...we always seem to forget, that's what we are.
In the wild...if you watch the other predators (which humans are) you will see...
rape, murder, incest, torture and every other socially "Evil" behavior, that only recently in the past
few thousand years have humans attempted (poorly) to evolve away from.
When you're asleep, your subconscious mind is acting on the millions of years
of animal instincts that have helped it to survive for millions of years.
Therefore it is completely NORMAL to see behaviors in dreams that reflect
things that we are trying to evolve socially away from.
This does not mean you're evil or, being called by your mind to perform or ACT on
things just because you had a dream about it.
Dreams are just clips and puzzles that reflect a number of emotions, desires and hormonal /chemical
secretions that we experience daily.
Just because your mind put your cousins face into a sexual dream doesn't mean you
have to act on it...or, even that you're attracted to your cousin.
However in the wild 10,000 years ago...you probably would've been.
The most important thing to realize is that, when you are awake...YOU have the choice
to evolve.
The fact that our subconscious mind has not evolved to the level of our waking mind should
not shock, embarrass or, upset you.
The very fact that it DOES upset you...is a sign that you are choosing to evolve.
If this was a constant repeated dream that included violence towards your cousin...I would say
maybe there is an issue there that you need to address...but, if it's a random dream...don't worry about it.
You're normal.
Make good choices.
lov4u
Boogie
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Viewer Writes:
This year I met this beautiful 21 year old woman online.
I'm 21 as well.
A week later she drove like 12 hours so we could
meet in person.
We spent the night togeather....hell yeah...
Now shes back home in Michagin, I'm in Colorado but, she calls me like 5
times a day, tells me she loves me, wants to move here
and get a place with me.
This all sounds nice and all but, we just met,
so my question is...
Is this possible??
I think I might love her, I do care for her a lot.
I'm constantally thinking of her.
I need your advice. I dont want to hurt her in any way but, I also don't
want to get hurt myself.
Boogie Responds:
Whooooo weeeeeee...first thing, sir horn dog,
you need to...TAKE A BIG DEEP BREATH.
Here we'll do it together ...ready?....1.....2.....3...inhale....whoooooosh,
and now...exhale...ahhhhhhhhhhh. Gooooood.
Ok, now that we got some of the oxygen out of your dick
and back into your brain let's see if we can makes some sensible
decisions about what you have going on here.
Now then...I'm sure it was really exciting having someone who was a
total stranger come out and screw your brains out.
I've had it happen...it's great fun.
BUT...let's not rush away and join the "Stupid Circus"
after one exciting night.
I am not saying that this couldn't work out to be something really
great but, you have some really serious issues to look at first.
First...any woman that after only one encounter is willing to pick up and
move halfway across the country to live with a near total stranger,
is either really naive, immature or, running away from something.
Or,...all of the above.
If you two really do want to be together that's awesome but, you are
taking a GREAT risk to move too quickly.
What if she moves out there with you and you find out she's a psycho?
Or, that you don't even get along together after a week?
People usually date for quite a while before they start even talking about
moving in...and even then it's not a guarantee that it will work out.
Do you like the idea of having someone stuck in your place that you can't stand
because you had them move halfway across the country without even
getting to know them first???
That wouldn't be fair to you and it sure as hell wouldn't be fair to her.
My VERY strong suggestion is that you take it easy on the moving in thing
until you've seen her a few more times.
The e mail and telephone is great for getting to know each other mentally
but, you need to spend more time with each other in person to see if
there's enough chemistry for the type of commitment you're talking about.
Set up another trip where either you drive to her or, she drives to you again
but, this time spend a few days together...then make another trip for maybe a week.
If you're still really into each other after a few months...then talk about
a move like that.
If you're really in love and want to be with her you'll be together a long time
RIGHT???
So, what's a few months to make sure it's the right thing to do?
Even after all that, it doesn't mean it'll work but, at least you were responsible
enough to try to make the best and most mature decisions.
Good luck
Boogie
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Viewer Writes:
I have been told by a doctor that I have Bipolar.
This is an extremely
hard issue for me to deal with.
I have ups and downs and know one seems to listen to me.
I feel like everybody has there own problems and doesn't
want to deal with mine. I have a husband and three children, one which
has ADHD, I also think he is autistic. How do you deal with all the
confusion?
I'm not asking for a sudden answer to my problems, but I can't
deal with all of this and please don't tell me to get counseling
because it doesn't work and I'm on several types of meds and I just don't know
what to do. And to be honest my phyc.dr. is as crazy as I am. What to
do? Do you have anything to say about this ?.
Please
respond as soon as possible.
Boogie Responds:
Rule #1 for depression.
The only person who is going to care the most about you...is YOU.
It would be great if everybody's lives revolved around our recovery
but, that is not the case.
You're right...everybody DOES have their own problems.
You are responsible for your recovery and YOU ALONE.
If you are lucky enough to have some support from your
loved ones then that's great but, never expect it.
Rule #2 for dealing with depression.
Keeping and nurturing a negative attitude dramatically feeds your depression
and hopelessness.
In a one-paragraph letter you have shot down everything
and labeled it as a lost cause.
Counseling doesn't work, meds don't work and nobody cares about you.
These are called "Absolutes".
Never, nobody, always...these are terms that suck away all hope and are
seldom justified or, accurate.
If all you keep saying nothing works, my life is shit...do you really think your
mind and body are going to translate that into happiness???
How bout saying...
"There is hope, there is a solution. I just haven't found it yet"
" I must keep looking, I must keep trying...I WILL FIND HAPPINESS"
Have you gone to every counselor and support group in the world???
NO you haven't.
But, you want to cast a negative blanket over the entire field because you have
not yet found a counselor or group that you click with.
That unjustly steals away all hope...hopelessness leads to depression.
Just because someone is a counselor or, doctor does not mean they are
qualified to deal and relate to your individual needs.
Just because someone has a degree in psychology does not mean
